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Damaad Ji is Homeā€¦ Who Cares About The Bahu?

09 May 2017

“Oho, pull out the red carpets, start the drum rolls, take out the finest silver, bow down low head touching the floor, because Damaad ji is here to grace us with his presence.”

The sarcastic mini-me in my head burst out, and I snickered. I knew I should not be listening to her. She is going to get me in trouble one day. But come on. I could see the look of reverence in my in laws eyes as my sister in law and her husband walked in through the main door.

Ok I should be fair, my sister in law, Akshi and her hubby, Sudheer are actually quite sweet. I get along really well with both of them. And I don’t think Sudheer really asks for all the special attention that he gets at our house. Honestly my hubby gets the same treatment whenever we visit my mom’s house.

But all this sycophancy really makes me want to rip somebody’s head off. More than that, the hypocrisy gets to me. If you are going to treat the son in law in such a royal manner, what about the daughter in law? Or are you scared that if you don’t keep on pleasing the son in law, he will torture your poor daughter? Well I do have the equipment and the capacity to torture your son, my hubby in the same way. So why don’t you treat me like royalty? The son in law is royalty, and the daughter in law is someone who they can order around.

All the special treatment is reserved for the son in law, while the bahu may well be a piece of furniture. Ok ok, I agree that I am exaggerating about the last bit. But the treatment is generally like someone who is constantly being taken for granted.

I do not expect any royal treatment definitely. But some consideration towards me as a human being would be just fine. When you invite guests over, and expect me to prepare a lavish feast as well as be present to entertain the guests, at least give some consideration to my schedule. When you “allow” me to wear what I want to wear, don’t consider that as a huge favour you are bestowing upon me. Don’t treat me like your own property or someone who is supposed to uphold the family name, or just the carrier of your “Vansh ka diya”. And at the same time exclude me from your private family matters. Don’t let the situation come where I have to claw and fight for my basic human rights.

I am not somebody who will sit down and take the bullshit dealt out towards me. But I should not HAVE to fight for my rights. Equality is something that should be the norm. Respect towards each other as human beings should be understood. This preferential treatment towards some members of the family makes me feel inferior.

And trust me you guys are the better ones. I have heard horror stories from my friends about other families. But it does not justify the subtle feeling of being unimportant that you project towards me.

You reserve all your respect and reverence towards your son in law, while I am much lower on your ladder of priorities. Treat all your children and their partners equally. Your daughter is just as important as your son. And your daughter in law is just as important as your son in law.

And the same goes for my parents too. Mom, dad, your son in law is not somebody who has done a huge favour on you by marrying your daughter. You don’t have to be under that constant burden. He is my partner and we are equals. I agree he likes the preferential treatment you guys dish out every time we visit you. Who wouldn’t? But if YOU don’t see us as equals, who will?

The practice may have made some sense in the yesteryears where the women were not strong enough to stand up for themselves and the parents needed to keep buttering up the damaad every time to ensure their daughter’s happiness. But times have changed now, and it’s definitely time for this archaic, ridiculous practice to stop. Can we please start this from our own house? 

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Tags: #Bahu #Daamad