All my in-laws and friends make fun of me since I suffer from Anxiety Disorder
05 May 2017
Life does change for good when you become a mother but mine changed for worse. Definitely not because of my little bundle of joy but because of my own issues. They were obvious suddenly. I always thought I had fear of random things and situations. I thought maybe I used to overthink and take too much tension. But now I was feeling numb and scared. Scared of what people might think and how I will manage myself. Earlier it was manageable. But my inlaws had shifted with us for 6 months and they had started noticing it. I couldn’t hide how I felt.
I was getting anxious over new motherhood, my baby and even random things at home. I felt broken. I would get hot and sweaty. I was always irritated. I turned into a late-night worrier. With new baby I was as it is not getting enough sleep hence physically I was at a breaking point too. It was like there was a big never-ending list of concerns going through my mind. I was never this bad. I would forget things very often and get scared of even the pressure-cooker whistle. My inlaws made fun of me and said I was going mad. They were very hostile towards me and sometimes even said that I was merely doing it for attention. I wasn’t taken seriously. Every night before heading for bed I used to check the main door atleast twenty times. I could never ever really be sure if I had locked the door.
I used to get a panic attack everytime my newborn cried for even half a minute. It was heartbreaking. Everyone at home including my husband used to make jokes out of it. I felt so ashamed of myself. I couldn't understand what exactly was my problem either. They said I had lost my brains somewhere. I was completely afraid of the dark and used to get breathless and cry in fear. It was a joke again. My friends were no less. None could understand me. They too made fun of my fears and thoughts. I was losing my friends and felt so lonely. I was panicking and anxious but no one took it seriously. I felt insulted and criticized. It was difficult to take care of my baby too. I was scared of myself. I found it difficult to rest my mind once an anxious thought got to me. They used to laugh and say you need treatment.
In all seriousness, treatment is what I really needed. Thankfully I decided to visit a therapist. My baby was suffering and that was my deciding point to take therapy. The counselor made me understand that they were ignorant and that infact there was nothing in me that I should be ashamed of. I was not mad. Madness was different from an anxiety disorder. He made me realise that it is treatable. After few sessions I felt so much better. I felt sorry for my family and friends. Their thinking had made it worse for me. They proved to be insensitive. I couldn’t get the support I needed from them. I realised I needed to fight my own battle. I am almost normal now and life seems much simpler.
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