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She Thought I Was Just A Timepass

04 May 2017

Ring ✔

Champagne ✔

Music ✔

This was going to be the best day of our lives, but it turned out to be the worst. She rejected my marriage proposal and walked off quickly, throwing my diamond ring on the floor.  All eyes in the restaurant were on me. The music had stopped. I was shocked and shivering. My heart skipped a few beats. How could this happen to me? How could she say no? She loved me and all was going so good.

To get my replies I kept calling her for the next few days but she wouldn’t pick my phone. No reply to my messages either. I happened to meet a friend of hers near my house and he told me that she was “freaked out.” She never thought this was a serious relationship.  She thought we were in it for fun and this sudden drama at restaurant had scared her. She didn’t want to talk to me now. This relationship for her was always a timepass and she never expected either of us to get this emotional. She was shocked with my proposal.

Everything seemed like a blur after that. I was lost. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. For me she was always special.  I always felt that we were seriously committed in this relationship. We had not spoken about the future but it seemed quite obvious. We spent so much time together. We had similar interests. We were so close. Everything was just perfect so why couldn’t we be together? I am good looking. I earn well. I come from a decent family and most importantly I care for her so much. How could she not love me? Was I misinterpreting her feelings? Did she never love me? Maybe I was pushy.  I don’t know where I went wrong but I feel extremely rejected and lonely. I feel like a loser and don’t even meet any friends now.

We had first met at a party and hit it off instantly. We started dating soon after but never spoke of our expectations from each other. Everyone who saw us felt we were made for each other. Maybe I was not good enough for her. Maybe her expectations were too high. I would never know. Wish she had spoken to me once after our break up. I could have improved myself for her. I loved her too much to let it go so easily. I felt so cheated.

I cried all the time and didn’t feel like eating anything. It was affecting my health and I couldn’t help it. My heart was broken into million pieces and I couldn't look beyond it. Life seemed meaningless. I thought about her all day and night. It’s was so tough to move on. I secretly stalked her too and felt terribly guilty! The questions were killing me. How do I forgive her? How do I forget her? How to let go? Life had lost all its charm. I felt like running away somewhere.

Yet now, a year later, I see some hope. As my job suffered and the depression grew worse, I got help from a therapist. I discovered how to better set expectations in a relationship and not take things for granted. A lot was unsaid in our relationship. We never communicated about the important things hence we took the relationship for granted.

I saw the fault was not with me or her but with the way the relationship was handled by both of us. I am in the process of healing myself. My heart is picking up its broken pieces but I know I WILL smile again.

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Tags: #HeartBreak #Depression