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Your princess has no value any more, Papa:

03 May 2017

 

Papa,

I have no value here. I am talking about this new place that I have to call my home. I wake up in the morning and first thing I make breakfast. For them it’s like a routine thing. No one appreciates it...I miss the time when anything I made for you, even a burnt toast was the tastiest thing for you. How you used to applaud me and smile and tell me how much my trying has meant for you... I cannot help but remember your smiling face first thing in the morning here.

 

As the day moves on, hardly anyone is worried or bothered about whether I have eaten or not...  I remember the calls you used to make each day to make sure I had my lunch... I remember papa how you gave me ideas of what should I eat... How I used to say nahi papa not this and not that and you kept on with your ideas...

 

Yes people do talk to me here but I am always the second one to be told anything. I am never the first one. Like if someone gets an award here, or buys something new, they tell me all that but only after telling everyone else. It’s not like my papa. If he got a raise or even if he got a new chair, I was the first one to know about it. It made me feel special. It made me feel like I was the most important person at home...

That day I had a fight with my husband. I kept crying but he never came to console me or caress me. I went and sat in my balcony... He never came.  I slept without talking to him. Next day he left for office without even exchanging a hello with me. My papa could never be upset with me for a moment. When we had our issues, our fights, he would come with a bucket of ice-cream, a chocolate and pamper me and make me talk to him, laugh with him. He could not even see me unhappy, forget seeing my tears...

I feel like I am not needed here. I am there but like an extra piece fitted into this family... The family functions, the weddings, the dinner table, the conversations will all be complete without me. Unlike things at my home, where nothing is complete without me. My father this year did not celebrate his birthday. My mother does not enjoy shopping any more. They tell me that life is not the same without me....

How can I ever be the princess again... How can I be the queen? Papa this is not the dreamland, I am not needed here... I am not loved here as you did...

Papa how can I tell you that I am not a princess anymore... I feel like I don't belong here... I don't feel at ease...

This is not what home means, there is no one here like you! Daddy for all these years, you were the meaning of home to me... I feel lost... I don't know how will I heal

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Tags: #Papa #Princess #Not Really