My MIL Doesn’t Want My Hubby And I To Have A Healthy Couple Life
02 May 2017
The warning signs were there right from the time of the wedding.
I was the bride but my mother-in-law was the one who seemed more nervous and flustered, constantly seeking reassurance from the groom. Amid all the chaos, Deepak was more interested in his mother and spent all the time on the mandap speaking to her rather than me. I felt odd about it but put it down to the fact that Deepak’s father is no more and it was understandable that she was tense handling such a big occasion by herself. I thought it was a normal case of nerves.
But as it turns out, nothing about this mother-son equation was normal. In fact it was far away from normal. Ours was an arranged match and everything had happened fast, so I had not observed these dynamics properly before.
Things really became clear the day after the wedding, when Deepak produced the honeymoon tickets to Mauritius with a flourish. I was delighted and excited, but then I rubbed my eyes. I couldn’t be seeing right!
Nope, but my eyesight was just fine. Turns out he was holding THREE tickets to this romantic beach destination.
I couldn't understand. I didn’t know what was going on. He must be kidding right? Nope—he wasn’t. My mother-in-law was accompanying us to our honeymoon. I was shocked but too new in the marriage to protest—I sulked a good deal but no one seemed to care! So we went, the three of us, and quite obviously it turned out to be more like a pilgrimage. It was a disaster. He had booked only one room, with an extra bed, so we slept together. We had not even managed to kiss each other till since our marriage.
So after this very sour honeymoon, we returned home and it was there that we finally had some more privacy. Two days after we returned, we found ourselves alone and excited in the bedroom. Finally! His mom we thought had gone to sleep in her room and it was a good chance to finally consummate our marriage. Just when we were about to get into the groove, there was a knock on the door. I couldn’t believe my ears. I tried to ignore the knock and we kept kissing. Maybe she’d get the hint and go away. But the knocking only became harder. We heard her voice then, all sad and weepy: “Beta please open the door, I am very unwell.”
Deepak quickly pushed me aside and went to cater to her. Turns out all she needed was a bit of Eno for her acidity but then she said she was “too scared” to sleep alone. I was so angry by this point that I just locked myself in the bathroom.
I tried to speak about it to Deepak the next day but he acted as if I was a heartless and cruel woman for doubting his mother’s intentions.
Meanwhile, her bedroom interferences happened numerous times, as if she was just waiting outside the door to barge in at the right time. She slept in our room everyday without letting us even utter a word.
Let me tell you—it was creepy. Her behaviour as well as Deepak’s acceptance of it. Yes we did manage a quickie now and then in the bathroom but our sex life was pathetic even though we were newlyweds. And the weird thing was—the only time she left us alone was when I had my periods. It was as if she was tracking my cycle and trying to ensure we didn’t have kids. It was so very strange. I don’t know what was in her mind. However, I could not bring myself to really dislike her. She seemed like a sorry-figure. Too needy but sweet. I didn’t know if I should be angry at her or pity her.
I got the answer after few months. I overheard her talking to her sister. It was a heart to heart and she was very emotional… I felt bad about listening in but I had to know what was going on. Apparently she didn’t want us to have a kid. She was scared of the changes the child would bring. She felt she would completely lose Deepak to me and his child. She didn’t want us to create that bond. She feared it. It shook me to the core. So all of her emotional games were well thought and planned. She wouldn’t let us have sex or even get closer because she was scared of losing her role in his life. I was at a point where I didn’t know what to do about all this. I didn’t want to break this small family.
I didn’t want to share all this with Deepak. I don’t know how he would have reacted. After all she was his mother and I didn’t want her to lose her self respect in front of him. It was getting too difficult for us too. Our non-existent sex life was taking its toll over us. Our relationship was badly suffering and we used to have fights often. I was depressed. I loved Deepak and we had nothing left. I wanted a child badly but I couldn’t. What was my fault? I was a good daughter in law. I don’t remember fighting with my mother in law ever. But all this was killing me from inside and I was suffering silently.
I went for therapy and started dealing with the situation. My counsellor really helped me understand the situation without putting the blame on anyone. I felt better and more positive. In a few weeks I had a one o one conversation with my mother-in-law and told her what I had heard. To her credit she acknowledged everything and even asked me for my forgiveness. She didn’t want Deepak’s marriage to break up. At that point I hugged and told her to also speak to a counsellor privately about the issues bothering her. To my surprise she agreed. And you know what? Last month, she booked a surprise weekend for Deepak and me at a nearby hill station. It wasn’t Mauritius but it was heavenly!
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Tags: #Love #Abuse #Inlaws