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My Wife’s Parents Are Turning Her Against Me And I Am Helpless

02 May 2017

Who says men don’t suffer at the hands of their In-laws? We don’t stay together but the mental torture reaches me through my wife every day. Their expectations have skyrocketed (it is not just women who have to deal with material pressures) and it is taking a heavy toll over me. Even my wife has similar expectations. It's killing me. She remains aloof and angry. Sometimes I regret getting married. Bachelor life was much simpler.

I had an arranged marriage with Richa. Both the sides spent a lot on the marriage. They wanted to have huge celebrations and I took a loan as well to help out. However, I am not a very materialistic person. I never wanted dowry and nor did I take it. I want to have a fulfilling career and provide well and also expect my spouse to be an equal partner—when we were discussing marriage I got the impression that Richa was career-minded and I liked that. We could complement each other well and the entire financial burden would not be on one person.

Turns out I had the wrong impression. Richa quit her job a month after marriage even though I didn’t agree with decision. Not long after than the pressure for a more luxurious lifestyle started mounting from her. She acted as if I was depriving her by not buying a luxury car or giving her access to a limitless bank card. When I suggested she go back to work, she cried as if I had hit her or something. “What kind of husband are you? You can’t even take care of your wife?” This was what she said to me again and again and I knew it was something my in-laws also drilled into her.  

Things only got worse after we had a baby.

Whenever she goes home, she comes back more aggressive than ever. She comes with demands, accusations and gets too stubborn. We end up fighting after her every visit there. She tried to force me to take a loan to grow my business which is not something I want to do now; also she is trying to get me to take her family money which is not the kind of emotional debt I need and have told her so. They are constantly pressurizing me. They feel I am not trying hard enough.

Society feels only the men can manipulate but it isn’t true. I am suffering every day. It’s affecting my health and our marriage and I am made to feel incompetent and useless. The interference is too direct and at a point where it’s forceful. They have indirectly said that they will not let their daughter and my child stay with me any longer if I can’t afford a better lifestyle—they constantly try to get me to take their money, which I refuse to do for my own pride and because we don’t really need it. I don’t know how to explain to Richa that they are ruining our peace and life.

I am mentally really at a breaking point and can sense depression seeping in. I am not a machine or a robot. Why aren't my feelings important? Am I too nice? Am I scared of how society will interpret all this? Oh yes I am. That’s why it’s troubling me more. I am made to feel like a loser even though I do my best.

So far I have no shared this problem with anyone—not even my parents. I don’t want to worry them and at another level I feel ashamed that I am a victim of my in-laws’ demands and pressures… I don’t know where to turn for advice on how to deal with this while also keeping my marriage intact.

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Tags: #Wife's #Parents