I feel happy when my bhabhi suffers
01 May 2017
I and my wife got married three months ago. Let me be honest, I have hated my wife in all these months. She appeared to be manipulative, someone who connives and nothing short of a fight maker.
She always complained to me about my mom and my sister. Both of them in my opinion have always been doing the right thing. They have always been helping others. My sister is 5 years older to me and she has also been the motherly figure in my life.
Ever since we got married, my wife has been “complaining” of my sister and my mother being rude and mean to her. She has often said that they insult her, make fun of her, stop talking when she enters the room, and critique her looks and dressing style and even talk indirectly about how she comes from a less than worthy background. She complained that they even have had some indirect insults for her parents and how she hates it all. She even accused that my mom and sister are not happy that we two got married and if left to them, they would have never married ME off.
I have been so furious and so pained with this line of thinking of my wife. She disturbed me completely,. Ours was an arranged by self marriage. It means that I am 31 and she is 30. We both met at a conference. We kept meeting for work. We didn’t exactly fall in love but our tastes were similar and we decided that we should get married.
So since it was my choice, I could not even blame my parents for it.
It was I who had to be blamed for this.
I dreaded coming back at night and then hear my wife’s sob stories. I decided I should confront my mother once. I went up to her and asked her. She had tears in her eyes and she said how I could even think, she could do something like this.
She said that may be my wife who is almost my age is finding it difficult to adjust with strangers, given she herself had rigid needs. She said that such problems happen when the girl is too old. I left the room and I started believing that this is true. That all this is happening, because my wife doesn’t and cannot adjust here.
I was troubled and now I hated my decision. I even stopped interacting with my wife.
I started surfing tinder and other dating apps and started talking to younger girls…
I was so frustrated that I started counseling for relationship here at EPsyClinic. My counselor told me that there could be more than what is visible at the surface level. And as partner, I need to value what my wife says and also try and see things from her stand point... The counselor even told me that age has got nothing to do with adjustments....
I did not even believe my counselor at that point in time...
All this was happening but our fights at home just kept growing.
I was so frustrated. Last week, I came home and my wife again started. She said that my sister was bad mouthing someone about her.
I stood up and yelled at the top of my voice. I slammed the door and went out…. I was standing near my balcony… I was utterly frustrated.... Suddenly I noticed some murmuring from the other room. On closer attention, I could hear my mom and my sister giggling.
My sister said, Shalini is such a nasty person. I am so happy mom that bhai hates her now and can see through her façade.
To this my mom replied, Yes, I can’t stand Shalini from the first day. I always knew she is the wrong choice. I hope he gets rid of her now!
My sister added: I feel happy that Shalini won’t be here. I really do!
When I heard these words, they shook me. Why did my mom and wife hate Shalini so much?
Could my wife be telling me the right thing?
Could it be that there is more truth than what I have seen in all these days?
Could it be that I have been biased towards my wife in favour of my own family.
Certainly, at this point this looked as much a possibility…
I went back in my room where I saw Shalini was working… I apologised to her and said that I want a fresh start.. I told her that I want to listen more from her and how she has been feeling here…
A tear rolled down her cheek and she held my hand… I got my answer….
To the men reading this, often time we are biased for people we have lived with all this while, especially in early days of marriage.
We need to be open to challenging our perceptions and understand our partner’s perspective too… Not understanding her means more pain for her, for you…
If you have been in a similar situation and you or your relationship has suffered because of this then therapy & counseling help is right here for you
You can get complete help Online with IWill therapy. Your paired therapist will be an excellent expert to help you through this phase and the session plans are just perfectly laid out for you!
Friends stand up for friends. If you know someone who is going through a hard time and needs the IWill support, share the app link with them: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.epsyclinic.iwill
Tags: #Wife #Perception #Bias