I Have To Manipulate Others To Survive… And I Don’t Feel Bad About It
29 Apr 2017
I am a 30-year-old woman and I am here to survive. Period. I am here to do whatever it takes. My ethics are very strong and I know which lines I will not cross. But other than that I am not ashamed of using all the tools which are there in my power.
I am not the one to sit and crib that life is not fair to a woman. I tried being angry about it. I tried fighting it. I tried explaining the unfairness. But all that did was to turn me into a bitter, aggressive and eternally unhappy human being. Did things change? Absolutely not.
All that happened was that I was labeled as was an angry feminist.
So now I am here to play the game. And I am here to win.
Do I play the “victim card?” When it suits me to get my way, I do it. Do I play the “woman card?” Yes I do. If you can throw the woman card at me—glorifying it under fancy, convenient terms like "multitasker" and "superwoman" and all that—I will use that card for my benefit. Why shouldn't I?
When you can sit and expect me to excel at my work, while also making sure that the house runs and the paranthas are made just as you like them, trust me, I am going to use manipulations and emotional blackmail as tools to find my own sanity.
When at work, if I am getting paid less than my male counterparts for the same amount of work done and the same designation—I will find some way to get myself reimbursed for that gap. If it means bagging extra credit by flattering the boss, yeah I will do it.
In a relationship, I am supposed to be the more understanding and more giving person—sure, I will do it. But trust me I will have no qualms about using every advantage that I have to bridge that gap in some way or the other. I will say yes, yes and yes, but when the day comes to cook for all your friends I will suddenly develop a “migraine.”
You want me to dumb myself down? I am intelligent enough to know when to use the dumbness in my favor.
Yes it does trouble me a lot. My conscience is not completely free and I don’t enjoy doing all this. I sometimes feel bad because these tricks may push the battle for equality a little further behind. A battle that has been fought for generations now. To be just considered a little more equal. To be treated fairly like the other gender. I am willing to pick up my share of the burden. But sadly the other side is conveniently set in their own comfort zone, labeling me, and putting me up on a fake pedestal.
I am guilty of that. And I want to stop. But then the anger about unfairness arises like a snake. I definitely value my own sanity than these scruples.
Give me an option, a fair option where I do not have to fight at every step to justify my existence, and I will stop. I will be more than happy to stop.
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