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I left my home for Aarti, my wife...

26 Apr 2017

It’s been three years since I moved out from my parent’s home in Delhi.

I miss that home and its warmth. I miss my mother and her love for me, the food she made for me, the care she showered on me. I miss my father and his reading newspapers with me each morning.

I miss everything but I am not going back.  I am not a girl. But I am a married man of 32 years old.

I fell in love with a girl from a small town of UP. Her name is Aarti. She came to Delhi for her MD. She was smart, intelligent, simple, innocent girl.

She was studying with my best friend and that’s how I got to know her. She had a UP accent. She was very different but there was something about her that was so appealing...

I don’t know but I started visiting my friend’s college more often just to hear her voice, look at her face.  I was really becoming a Romeo and she was making me madly fall in love with her.

I couldn’t resist myself and I proposed to her. She said that she can never date anyone... But if I love her, she can think of marrying me and that I should talk to her parents.

I loved her directness. I wasn’t joking about this and I was serious for my love for her...I went back home and told my mom and dad that I want to marry Aarti. They were very surprised at listening to this and were wondering who is Aarti and why they don’t know of her?

When I told them about this, they just got angry and said that it is my crazy crush on some random person and that I should concentrate on my career.

I absolutely sternly said that I would never marry anyone if it’s not her.

They were really shocked. My mom stopped talking to me... I too used to come late, not eat at home.  I was sad why they don’t see that it is not an impulse. I am not a teenager. I seriously love her.  Love cannot and should not have an explanation.

Soon looking at my “stubbornness”, they said that they will talk to her parents. My happiness knew no bounds. From there on, everything went quickly and finally we were married.

My wife Aarti is an angel. She really like her profession is a care taker. On the very first day of our marriage, she took the home as her own. The way she cared for me, the little things she did for me, I was really living a life in heaven. Naturally as a man, I used to shower her with all the love. But then this I guess wasn’t something that was going down too well with my parents. I never understood why but they did not take straight to her. She made poori bhaji for all of us one day and my parent said its too oily... I tried to console Aarti but in my heart I knew, they always ate fried. It wasn’t that this was going to be the first time. But to maintain a balance at home, I ignored.

I would always see that she would try and make personal connection with them, ask them about what they need and what she could do for them but they always ignored her.

But I did everything to make up for the disrespect she was getting at the hands of my parents. She would never complain but I could see. I would give her more love and admiration each day.

But my mom particularly started getting very uncomfortable with her.. Once in a discussion, she made fun of her accent and said, Aarti, please do something about it. You don’t mind but people would laugh at you if they see you speaking in this tone”. I got really upset. One side it was my family and the other side, it was the woman who I loved the most and who was really simple... I was really getting depressed and it was then that I downloaded IWill app. I did not want to be in denial that I was going through a tough time... 

My therapist and I had a few sessions and in that the bottom root of my sadness was coming from my inability to stand up for my wife... But my therapist once she knew, it was this, she assured that speaking up for what is right is not something that is wrong in anyway... That I could be assertive and respectful at the same time. 

So with this, I knew that things had gotten too far. My wife was simple but thats what I loved about her. The accent that I loved, her authenticity, her rawness which was her appeal, her identity, my own mother was using it as a way to belittle her. I immediately said that Aarti’s voice and way of talking is the best in the world.

 

But even after my assertive stance, things kept getting worse, sometimes it was about her dressing style at other times it was about what she cooked, what she did, there were always reasons to make her feel down.

She was slowly losing her confidence and I felt like a culprit. She would often cry... She stopped entering the kitchen. She would talk less always worrying that her accent will be ridiculed...

I in therapy discussed that I wanted to move nuclear. My therapist suggested that whatever decision, I take should be one that brings me peace. I knew this was the one decision I needed to take.

 

I decided enough was enough. I married her and it’s my duty to keep her happy. I went to my mom and dad that I wanted to move out since I was aware of how they disliked Aarti.

Seek help and Let the pain go! Repair your relationships, recover yourself!

So start your sessions at IWill today. 

Download the app:  https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.epsyclinic.iwill

Or if you don't have an android, then use the purple chat button to start a chat with a therapist

Type your message in the Chat  To connect instantly & privately to an expert EPsyClinic psychologist NOW

 

My mother got furious and straight went to Aarti. She started telling her that she always knew that her innocence and her small town skills and being a servant like woman, were her way to get me hooked on to her and get us separated.

I was so taken aback. My mother thought so low of her.... How would I tell Aarti never told me a single thing against my mother....

She cried and asked me that she wants to go back to Banaras. I decided that no... We would move out...

I moved out and it’s been quite some time... We go there and I make sure, my parents are well supported. They never talk well of Aarti or love her... I feel really bad and sad about this.

I feel I have failed in many ways... I could not create a beautiful family where all my loved ones could have been happy....  I hope they can see through the innocence of Aarti... appreciate that she is not someone who can manipulate... I only can wish they can see her goodness. 

I wish we can live some day together, where they love Aarti as they love me...

But unless she is respected for who she is and loved  for everything that makes her, I am not going back... not yet!

Me and my wife Aarti are always in love with our family but the only way we can move back is when they love us both, not just me. And I thank you IWill from the bottom of my heart for helping me manage this phase without pain and doing something that lets me sleep peacefully in night. 

Abhay Singh

If  you too feel depressed, have relationship issues, anxiety or just don't know what but it feels you have lost the plot, then cognitive behavioral therapy at IWill with an IWill therapist will change things completely for you

 

Seek help and Let the pain go! Repair your relationships, recover yourself!

So start your sessions at IWill today. 

Download the app:  https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.epsyclinic.iwill

Or if you don't have an android, then use the purple chat button to start a chat with a therapist

Type your message in the Chat  To connect instantly & privately to an expert EPsyClinic psychologist NOW

 


Tags: #Love #Care