What kind of a husband doesn’t protect his wife?
12 Apr 2017
I am married in a rich brahmin family. The family I have been married to is one of the most conservative and traditional families of the town. But I would say this conservatism, this traditional image is just a farce.
From the inside, this family has an ugly side and I have lived seeing this.
Ours is a joint family and my husband has two brothers, one younger to him and the other older.
My husband’s older brother is a divorced man. His wife had accused him of domestic violence. At the time, everyone convinced me that this was a false accusation from the girls’ family. And I like all other Indian women, believed what my in-laws said…
But I was so wrong! On a regular day, my husband was out for work… That day no one in my family was at home. The entire family had gone to a wedding nearby. I wasn’t well so I had stayed back.
I was lying down in my room. Its then when the doorbell rang.
I went outside to see who is it and it was my husband’s elder brother. I was surprised to see him come back. He bolted the door. I felt a little uncomfortable and I started walking back to my room.
He stopped me and asked me to sit with him for a moment. I felt awkward but I sat. He said that he wished his wife was like me, sweet and sober. I felt very uncomfortable…. He then moved in close to me and tried to embrace me. It was then when I shrugged him away and shouted at him.
He became angry and he held me by my hair… I was petrified… I tried escaping but he managed to kiss me, grope me and do all sorts of shitty things…
I was so shocked… I was numb… How was this happening to me. I bit him on his hand and ran out of the door. I found refuge in neighbour’s home and I called my husband. He came rushing and initially was very angry… He even hit his brother… When the entire family came back in evening, my mother in law told my husband that how he should be ashamed of treating his older brother like this. My father in law lectured e and my husband of how we should honour the family and also understand how his older brother is alone and suffering and such things happen.
I was beyond disgusted at this suggestion. He gets a license to attempt to rape me because he is alone. I am ideally his sister in relationship…. Where are traditions, family values in this? Isnt it such a farce!
I just rushed back to my room and locked myself up. My husband come in some time and he held my hand and asked me to forget what had happened for the sake of family’s honour. I was shocked and I was saddened.
This was the man who was supposed to be my protector and he was telling me to brush away my assault?
I was beyond disgusted. I just did not believe there was any reason for me to be living in their home and risk my safety!
I left for my parents’ home. I was depressed and disgusted. I felt empty and I felt hollow. I felt unreal and also angry. I started therapy at EPsyClinic. I feel better emotionally and mentally but when it comes to my memories from this incident, I am ashamed at our society, I am ashamed at the structure that sees woman at such a low bottom. I am ashamed of institution of marriage where a woman is expected to not only leave her family but also leave her self-respect behind. What kind of a husband doesn’t protect his wife? Does he deserve to be a husband in the first place?
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My Husband Flirted With My Sister… When He Told Me The Reason I Was Shocked
31 Mar 2017
"Hey sweetie, why don't you stay at home and finish cooking? I'll go out with Shweta and pick up the drinks,” said my husband as he and my sister rushed out of the door. We were having a small party to ring in his 35th birthday. I tried to push away the niggling feeling that crept up every time the two of them were together these days. It was silly I told myself, how could I be insecure about my husband and my sister. As I wrapped up the cooking I saw them strolling up the driveway, giggling together. As soon as I opened the door, they exchanged meaningful looks and hushed up. It annoyed me and I was snappy as I told them where everything was. I left to get ready. Walking up the stairs I heard them laugh loudly.
My sister was the life of the party that night, telling everyone stories of her life and travels. While everyone complimented me on the beautiful new house and the delicious food, it was her that they wanted to be near. My husband was no exception, replenishing her wine glass, dancing with her and flirting every chance he got. This had been going on for the last few months and much as I tried to push it out of my mind, I couldn't shake it off. I had confronted each of them before and both had denied it. I believed my sister, I knew she had no such intentions and had a loving relationship of her own. But my husband hadn't made eye contact when he said I was being “ridiculous”. Tonight as I sat in a corner, a stranger at my own party, I decided I had had enough.
That night I confronted my husband. He hesitated just a moment before he broke down and confessed he had been flirting with my sister. He told me it had gone no further than that and that he didn't want to cheat on me, that was never his intention. I was devastated but could see that he was being honest and was also in pain.
I asked him why, how could he do this to me, that too with my own sister?
His answer left me speechless.
"She reminds me of how you used to be, carefree and happy".
I was stunned. In the 5 years we had been married, I had done everything I could to be a 'good' wife. I cooked three fresh meals a day, I kept the house in order. Yes I had heard him murmur time and again that this wasn't what he wanted, but I had never stopped long enough to listen. In being the good wife, I had stopped being the person he had fallen in love with. As my face started to crumble, he held me and apologized, saying that still didn't excuse his actions. He should have spoken to me, instead of flirting with my sister. We both wept for the hurt that we had caused each other and decided we would work together to save our marriage.
The very next day we started couples therapy with ePsyClinic. It was immensely helpful. We also made an effort to take out more time for each other and reconnect with the people we had fallen in love with. My husband no longer had to go out for drinks with my sister on the weekends because I was doing laundry. We split the household chores, and we also just let some be, prioritising our time together over them. I spoke to my sister and she was understanding enough to help us out. She kept the kids while we went away for a weekend. A weekend that rekindled our love and deep connection. Today the flirty glances and attention are all for me and all three of us are much happier.
Tags: #Disgusted #Hopeless