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I WILL- BE ACCEPTED FOR WHO I AM

02 Apr 2017

I am 24 year old Maharastrian woman. I was married at the very young age of 23. It was an arrange marriage. My husband is one of the bigger exporters of diamonds. Money is not a problem for him. I come from a middle class background, where my father was a railway officer.

So in my new home, my new family almost never liked me. I mean they liked me for my looks but they always thought I wasn’t trained for leading and being a part of their social gatherings.

Every time there was a social function or an event, my mother in law and sister in law dictated the choices of cloth I should wear. They also made casual remarks on my style of holding palla or even as something as picking up my sari while walking. My table habits including eating pao from my hands were also a reason to mock me. My way of laughing out loud watching TV was also very middle class according to them. Even my husband believed that I had “lots to learn” to FIT IN.

I slowly started feeling depressed.  I don’t know how to explain this but everything that I am, was funny or unacceptable to them. It caused me a lot of negative feelings. I really started believing that I was not good enough, that I was not worth this life or that I was never meant for it.

I was so drained with the constant attacks on my every day gestures that I called my Baba and told him that I wanted to come back home. He got concerned and came there. When I told him what all was happening, he just laughed it off as usual and regular marital adjustments that everyone has to make.

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But these were not regular adjustments; they were an assault on everything that I was. Even my oiling hair in the day time was a concern for them as they believed that a lot of people come coming it their home and and if their family and friends see me like that, it will not be nice. I mean what won’t be nice? Don’t people put oil on their hair?

Then there was also remarks on things  that I brought or food that I made. The food was too oily, too many carbohydrates, too much masala. I mean they just didnt like anything that I did. Even my lookin at someone brought a remark or two on how it looked awkward

 

I was feeling so low and pathetic that words can’t explain my agony!

I started feeling really low and sad...  I remained disconnected, almost social aloof and I stopped interacting with my husband as well...

He is not a bad person and seeing me this way he got concerned. He spoke to me about what was bothering me and I told him that I was feeling totally like an outsider and I feel humiliated with the constant attacks on everything I am.

This time he took this seriously. He could spot that I have depression so he approached EPsyClinic for me and I started my sessions to get past depression and also gain assertiveness so that I can be who I am.

He also now took active role in stopping his family and himself from holding prejudice against me.

I am now in the 7th session and I am already feeling much better.

I am committed to myself and i promise I will not change the core of who I am. I will be accepted for who I am!

 

Suman

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Tags: #Depression #Will #Selflove