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They took my kids away because I was depressed

28 Mar 2017

As I read the mental health bill passed today in Lok Sabha and the fact that now it wont be easy at all for kids to be taken away from their mothers because of their mental illness, my eyes welled up tears...

No I am not unhappy for this move...  I am actually so happy to see this bill being passed and a mentally ill person’s dignity being restored...

But I cried for myself.... Cried a lot today...

You may wonder why?

Because I am a mother of two beautiful kids who was separated from them on account of my “mental illness”

Nearly 8 YEARS ago, I delivered my second child, Anya...

I had developed postpartum depression in this phase. I and my husband hardly spent time with each other. He was a dependent son and he had no time or empathy for me.

I had developed thyroid in my pregnancy and thus was more prone to depression.

During my postpartum phase, when I asked for my husband’s help, he shunned me away... Day by day my condition deteriorated and his indifference...

Everyone thought I was a lazy and bad mother but no one saw that I had some real issues and I needed help...

One day I was sitting as usual empty.... I suddenly realised that my baby is not crying... That freaked me out... I picked her up in my arms but she showed little movement. In that moment, I thought I was the worst mother ever.

I did not take another moment to check again. Instead, I jumped off my first floor house... I got saved and was operated for the many injuries my body had sustained.

The doctor in hospital told my husband that I was showing severe signs of post partum depression and that I needed  intensive therapy and psychiatry treatment, lots of love and care...

20 DAYS later I was discharged off the hospital.

But my life changed. My husband had decided to divorce me on grounds of me being mentally unstable

 I had known he never loved me but divorcing me for no fault of mine and that too in a stage where I was so weak?

I felt even more pain and weak.... But somehow I took the pain. I decided that I won’t let this affect me.. That I wouldn’t wait for him... I said I want to go to my father’s place with my kids... He said you are free to go but the kids will remain with me... I was shocked and I said my little one is dependent on me and my son can’t live without me... How can you even say that?

He said that have you gone mad? Who would trust little one’s in the company of a mad woman?

You had tried to kill yourself because you couldn’t take the stress. What if you would kill the baby?

Even though I hated what he said but I got scared too. What if I am mentally so unstable that I cannot take care of my child?

I promised myself to seek treatment first and then take my kids with me...

I started psychiatry treatment back at my father’s place. Soon I recovered... I went back to my husband (we were still not divorced) and told him that I was ok and that the babies will be well taken care of by me... But he pushed me away and said that I should not even dream of my babies, let alone have them

Just type your message in the green chat button and start chatting instantly with an expert EPsyClinic Mental and Emotional Health psychologist privately

 

I was devastated and I decided to fight this in court. But little did I know that I will be made a mockery... I was humiliated and my babies were snatched away from me on grounds of my being mentally illlness.

I faced the hardest punishment and discrimination. They allowed me meeting my kids once in a month but that too not without someone else’s presence...

 

 I lived a hell ... I faced an illness, was handed a divorce and my babies were taken away from me and i also lived with the label of “Pagal” “Khatarnak”. Yeh to apne bacche maar sakti hai... Iski dimaagi halat kharab hai....

 

It’s been 8 years and I read it in news today... I felt my dignity coming back to me... I wish no woman ever has to go through what I went through...

 

No mother suffers the fate I suffered. My husband enjoyed a young bride.... I have been living in darkness....

I am happy though that there will not be any more darkness for women and men suffering from a disease like others, where they have no control! 

 

Mrinalini  (True story. Representational Image)

If you have a depression or anxiety, there is no need for shame or stigma, You have every right to be well and healthy.

Just type your message in the green chat button and start chatting instantly with an expert EPsyClinic Mental and Emotional Health psychologist privately


Tags: #Depression #MyFault #Shame #TraumaofYears