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I can tell you what emotional abuse is: Mansi's letter

26 Mar 2017

Shashank and I got married in the summer of 2015. It was a love marriage. We had met in college and I had fell for his charm, his old world school romance where he got me flowers, praised me for who I was, treated me like a princess.

M y dating period with him surprisingly was very short... My friends and family had encouraged me to take it slow but he and I were hell bent on getting married and getting married ASAP.

We were from Lucknow... Before we got married, he had found a job in Delhi. So as soon as we got married, the two of us shifted to Delhi, just the two of us...

It was a dream come true. He had rented an apartment in a good society in Noida. Within weeks of our marriage, I had made friends with people in the neighbourhood.

Being from a small town, I had the knack of socialising and helping people around... This made me really popular. I was already having lots of fun...

It was a Sunday and the people in society had organised, a party... I clearly had the maximum attention. I made some very nice pakoras and everyone loved them. Shashank I could see was not happy.... I couldn’t guess why...

When we reached back home, he came close and whispered in my ears: You really embarrassed me today.  I was shocked... What had I done that embarrassed him?

 I asked him what happened. To which he said, the pakoras were full of oil and that everyone behind our backs was talking about it...

My self esteem took a beating... How could it be? To my mind everyone loved them. I had to almost double the quantity because people wanted a piece of it... Then how could this be possible? Shashank, also couldn’t lie.

Next day, I did not go to the park in evening.... A woman called on my mobile and asked why I didn’t come and I made an excuse that I was tired...

A few days passed and I forgot the pain that this incident had caused me... But I had become somewhat self critical.

I decided that I must take up some job. I was trained in personality enhancement and thereby I applied for the same. The company was impressed and hired me as one of their key trainers. My happiness knew no boundaries...

I told Shashank about it. He was so cold... I don’t why but there was no happiness that he felt...

Anyways, I didn’t care about it much and started going to my job. I was excelling there...

He suddenly in evening one day said that you smell so bad and your teeth shape is very strange... I just noticed... Do others notice this when they speak to you in your classes?

His words once again kicked my gut and destroyed my self-esteem. Next day I brushed my teeth several times and kept looking at my breath... Whole day I was conscious of myself and my class was a disaster...

Whenever people appreciated me, he would find one bad thing and say that he is only trying to make me aware of my shortcomings so that I can get better.

Once we went for his party and everyone appreciated me and how I looked but he came back and said that the dress appeared tighter and that people had not seen how beautiful I earlier was so maybe they couldn’t notice that I looked fat and unfit now....

This trend continued.

 

In the process, I became a self-doubting, self-loathing person. I hated my cooking, my body, he even made fun of my “queeky” voice...

I drowned in depression.... Then I came across EPsyClinic’s post on emotional abuse and could relate to everything was written there...

I don’t know why but I just felt the need for therapy and started my sessions here.  I was diagnosed with moderate depression too...

I came to know that it was he who was LYING, being an abuser to keep control over me and my world!

 

I don’t let him do that anymore. I have made him realise that I KNOW MY WORTH!

He apologised but I am taking my time... I don’t know whether he would ever change....

 

Mansi

If you have been in an abusive relationship or know someone who has, EPsyClinic as a specialised online therapy clinic can help you get past the hurt completely.

Just type your message in the chat button on left to start chatting instantly with a  CERTIFIED EPSYCLINIC PSYCHOLOGIST NOW! 

 

 


Tags: #Emotional abuse #Worth #Self-Esteem