ARTICLES

Love our Articles? Be the first one to read our newest Articles.

He ditched me because he thought I was too...

22 Mar 2017

I am Sakshi, a 26 year old manager at an MNC in Gurgaon. I have been very successful in my career. I always wanted an above average life as far as my career is concerned and I can proudly say that I have charted that course for myself...

But when it comes to my relationships, I have been very unlucky....

I had 2-3 relations from my school days to college and all were either weak enough to take our love forward or were treating it as a time pass. But in all of these relationships, one after the other, I got involved with utmost sincerity and got heartbreaks with the same intensity...

But this last relationship that I was in has rocked my boat...

 

His name was Rohan.  I met him 2 years ago. He and I joined work together. Since we joined at the same time, there were a lot of orientation and other training programmes that we attended together.  He and I instantly clicked. His sense of humour was infectious... He was a charmer.

Before I realised, we started spending almost all the time in office breaks and post office together. We were great friends and we could spend hours just talking... In many ways I felt liberated around him. I could be myself and we used to have great fun together...

And then he proposed me... I was in cloud 9. I accepted and we were together. He was the best boyfriend I could have asked for... He used to take care of me when I was sick; he used to get my sanitary napkins from the medical store and would cook my food at times.

I was so jealous of my own self...  I couldn’t believe my luck... And then in 2 months he said he saw me as his future life partner... I was so proud because this was my first relationship who straight off talk about marriage so quickly. And in no time, he made me meet his parents... He of course introduced me as his colleague and someone he spends a lot of time with... But it was understood, I guess that his parents knew what he meant...

I after this visit, straight went to a temple... I cried a lot there and I could not thank god enough... All the pain of the past relationships was washed away... I thanked god for Rohan.

In the next week, he asked if we could move in together.

I was unsure... But then I thought I have met his parents, he has met mine... It is not wrong?

And I agreed.

The time together was the most magical time together. He used to make me early morning coffee. He used to sort my laundries... I used to cook us food... We watched videos together and movies together... Dinners on terrace... My life was looking like a scene straight out of Shahrukh Khan’s romantic movie...

And then came the next step... He and I were drunk and since I loved him completely, I surrendered myself to him and his arms... The night was passionate and we made love till dawn...

When I woke up next to him, I didn’t feel guilty at all. My parents knew him. We were getting married and we were already living together. I was happy...

Our life went on and 6 more months passed. He started preparing for CAT.

 

 I SUPPORTED HIM THROUGH AND THROUGH.

 

He got selected and then he went to study in IIM.  We had phone calls initially, a lot of them and then it all declined...

I thought he was busy with new pattern to study etc and he used to say that too.

So I made peace with it. But then he came back for his vacations and while I thought he would first come at our home, the place we lived together...but he didn’t.

He went to his parent’s home. I was sad but then I understood that he may have missed them...

I waited all day and I called him multiple times but no one answered his phone.

I called his sister up. She picked the phone and told me that her brother had gone out with friends....

I was shocked. I  cried and cried... And then I slept...

Next day I waited for his call but no call came... 3 days had passed. He was in town and he did not call me.

Several parts of me had already died.

And then on 5th day he called me. I was angry, hurt, devastated but I instantly picked his call. Before I could say anything, he said that its over between us.

Those words were like melted poison... What does he mean?

 What is over? We lived together for 1 year. My father and mother were thinking soon we will get married... Then what was over. I mustered some strength in my voice and asked him

He said he realised that what he felt for me was infatuation and that he wants to move on and he respects me as a friend but he wants me to find new happiness and move on too.

I told forcibiliy: Why do you think it is so simple? I have treated you already like my husband... How can I move on?

He said:  I moved in so quickly with him and that I was anyways open and I would soon find someone else...

I was shocked and dead... I hung up the phone... He thought this about me?

Wasnt he too living with me?

Did he not sleep with me? Did he measure my love with how quickly I agrred to move with him?

Is this the level he had?

And then in some time , these feelings turned into guilt and self loathing...

I locked myself in a room and used to cry all day... My friends tried to counsel me that he was the one who was loathsome and not me but then nothing worked.

I felt hurt, sad, shitty... Only happiness I had was my work.

I slipped into depression...I keptthinking about him, time spent with him, hating him, hating myself, thinking did I do something wrong? Am I really promisicous?

I am starting therapy today at EPsyClinic. I cant deal with all this alone any more...

But I also wanted to share my story... Has this happened to any one of you?

Is it our fault?

Am I unlucky?

 

Sakshi...

 

If you want help, its here at EPsyClinic. Type your message in the “Chat” button on bottom left and get instantly connected with a certified EPsyClinic psychologist instantly 


Tags: #Guilt #Ditch