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Women casually push and even beat men. Is that not violence?

10 Mar 2017


Women’s day celebration and feminist conversations are good. To grow and bring about a change in a society that considers women secondary is necessary. Having said this, very often we be little the men around us. His complaints, of being abused or put down are often not paid attention to. Our feminist mind, cannot see a man as a victim. Are we getting “PREJUDICED”??

Haresh Mehta is an Associate Director, with a big consulting firm of Pune.  Haresh came to us with signs and symptoms of Obsessive compulsive disorder. Haresh was married for 7yrs and had a 2yr old daughter. The couple lived with his parents. Haresh came from a cultured family, where parents had passed on values like; one should be soft spoken, not reciprocate to violence or bad language in the same way. His father too was very soft spoken to his wife and showed a lot of respect, love and equality.

Haresh’s wife Rina, was a banker. They knew each other for 2yrs before they got married. Rina had taken to work part time after their daughter’s birth. The couple appeared loving, cordial and in happy space. No one was aware, that since last 1yr couple had issues. Issues were small for Rina but they were affecting Haresh unconsciously a great deal. So, what was the issue?

Rina did not get along with Haresh’s mother. She always complained of not getting her space or freedom to make any decision for their daughter.

She also suspected that Haresh was having an affair and had lost interest in her. Haresh was to answer Rina’s call in 2rings, his where-about were inquired after, his phone was checked and mails read.  But then pain was one thing, Rina was turning abusive.

When Rina would get angry, she would be extremely bitter and on 2 occasions she had pushed Haresh too hard. On one occasion, she bit Haresh, while he was trying to keep her from hurting herself.

Haresh was undergoing ABUSE. Physical and verbal. Rina’s words more than actions were tearing him apart. He was unable to make her believe in him.

He felt like a failure. A failure as husband, father, and son.  He could not see his wife saying harsh things to his mother nor him. He could not see his mother crying to see her grandchild once in a day. He felt helpless.

He was scared to come home.  Loud sounds would make him jitter. Doors banging, glass breaking, abusive words were part of his dreams. He didn’t know whom to confide in.

He was not sure if the problem was him, her, or both. He himself could not believe that Rina’s reactions were not normal. He was not sure if he was being “Abused”. All he read and heard was, that only men abuse women. Women are victims and the supressed class.

How can a man be abused?

It took a while, for Haresh to open. He feared being judged and was unaware of his own fears.  

Haresh took counselling help to understand his own emotions and how they were causing anxiety and symptoms of Obsessive compulsive disorder.

He took help to deal with Rina and assert himself.  


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Tags: Male abuse, verbal abuse