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Why do you fantasize about other men or women while having sex with your partner?

26 Feb 2017

SEX is one of the most intimate moments for a person... Usually it requires a hell lot of trust of that moment to completely share your body and your most intimate moments and expressions with someone.

How could it be then while having sex, your mind can draw pictures of other men or women and engage you in a different world all together... Well you are not alone, in-fact far from it... Almost more than half of us engage in such mind fantasies while having sex and the reason we do this is because it helps us climax better or get a better orgasm...

But why do we get a better orgasm or a climax with these fantasies?

We all have desires to try and experiment in sex. Like for food, where we try different variations of dishes, in sex too we like experimentation, new strategies in bed....

Women are traditionally shy... They don’t feel comfortable sharing how they like to play on during sex...

at least with fantasies, they give women what they need to reach a mind blowing climax without having to ask!

For men too, it could be that they want to enjoy a certain style of sex that they think their wife or their partner isn’t comfortable with...

It also could be that some fantasies such as of group sex or more than one partner is better kept a fantasy but it still helps the person to climax better.


Is fantasising healthy?

There is nothing wrong with this... Your mind engages you in a movie of sorts and helps you enjoy sex more than you usually do... However don’t mistake that this is the maximum level of orgasm or pleasure you can achieve...

Psychology research suggests that the best orgasms happen when the partners are in the moment and feel and imagine and stay with each other both physically and mentally...


How do I stay in the moment mentally?

1.    Be open about some of your fantasies with your partner... Say as a woman if you like a little rough foreplay or some other style of love making, discuss it. What we have found in couple therapy with our clients is that most partners are willing or even eager to experiment like you in the bed... It’s often a lack of communication that leads to believing that your fantasy is off the limits for your partner...

2.    Engage in fast foreplay with variability in sexual positions and fondling... Your mind gets bored and out of tune and focus... If you can keep it engaged with the quick changes of pleasure activities, it won’t have the space to look north or south J

3.    If there is larger discord between you two and lack of intimacy and happiness in life and that is what makes sex with your partner an ordeal and fantasizing is an escape route then you need to look at the options of couple therapy here at seriously... Discords when ingrained in the larger day to day routine will never go on their own... So opt for couple therapy now at

Fantising is not wrong... It is common and we all do it... Once in a while if used for sometime during sex to spice up things, it is actually good. But if its an escape and the only way you can climax, certainly it is not healthy or advised. Explore your partner, yourself and engage in things you want... Nothing builds a bond stronger than a man or a woman enjoying and in the moment together with each other mentally!


If you are facing larger couple discord or sexual discord, then is your place and your zone to get past all these issues.

Just Type your message in the chat button (green button that is to your lift) and instantly connect with a certified ePsyClinic psychologist now privately!




Tags: #SexualFantasies #Guilty?