You are absent Vikas from my pregnancy and it HURTS!!!
24 Feb 2017
I am pregnant and it was our baby shower today.
I had to write to you Vikas and I am sharing it with ePsyClinic (a place I have been taking therapy from without telling you... To break the news to you, I am diagnosed with clinical depression and the crying spells and low mood was not the “eating issues” or an “attention seeking behaviour”. It was and is depression, anyways...)
So Vikas, you know how much I have loved you and cared for you... Remember when you wanted to start your own startup leaving your plush job and the whole family including your own parents, discouraged for you chasing your dreams. It was me who stood rocksolid with you, working with you day and nights, giving you moral, physical and mental support so that you do not feel alone. So that your dream takes off!
I have been there in your thick and thin.. And then we got pregnant. Even though, I was overworked, I was happy for our baby, for our new life and so were you...
But Vikas, this phase has been very disappointing for me from a marriage stand point, from a love stand point and a companionship stand point. From the very first day, I have been running to the many doctor appointments alone... You could never make out the time for me or your baby...
During my morning sicknesses, you just asked are you OK and then went on with your daily chores... I get up and make myself lemon to feel better and then because I have to work a job, I managed that end too...
In all my pains and all my issues in this pregnancy, I have been alone... Every time I told you to accompany me or that I need your help, you delegated it to your mom. She is a nice lady and I have no issues with her and she does take care but there are times when I just needed you...
That day, I was crying, it was not in my control... But you said “Stop dramatising! I won’t be a prey to your tantrums”... I am still at shock with your behaviour. How could you? Is this pain that I am in, is it for me alone... Forget being physically present in any of your baby or your pregnant wife’s activities, even when at home you are busy with your laptop. You cannot spare 1 hour for us?
Yes Vikas, I know you say that you are doing this for us and to bring stability in our lives but how do I believe that when you don’t care a dime of your wife’s emotional stability?
Work is important but so is your wife and baby... I fail to believe that when in pregnancy, I can take care of the house, of YOU, of work , you cannot take an hour for your baby.
Its all about priorities Vikas and may be you have taken me and your baby for granted... I have wept nights and days but why did my voice never reach your deaf ears?
Today was my baby shower... Today again, I did it all alone... You were just there for photo-ops... Hardly you contributed in anything....
Vikas I am scared. This baby and this woman writing to you are your responsibility. Not financial Vikas but also emotional responsibilities. You complete me and my baby... I want to take joint decisions for him/her. I want you to be there for us... I will be your rock but you need to be my anchor too...
Vikas this can’t go on like this any more... You need to get involved. I am crashing... My body is aching not so much with the weight I carry around my body (THAT TOO!) but with the burden that my mind puts on me... That I am alone...
I don’t need you to pamper me like a teenage girl but I WANT you to be there for me and your baby when I need you...
Or there is no reason to believe that you would be there when the baby is out... If I have to be a single parent then let me know... Let us then not pretend that we are even together....
I need you to think Vikas.... Think of your role in the last 7 months...
IN THE LAST 2 OR MORE WEEKS
. Are you feeling mostly low and sad?
. Are you experiencing sleep difficuties?
. Are you having negative thoughts?
. Are you feeling tired and low on energy?
. Is getting up from bed in the morning a task?
. Do you feel hopeless?
. Do you feel nothing will go right?
If you nodded yes to more than 4 of the above, you seem to be showing signs of depression. Don't wait! Depression is a recognised and a severe disorder. It won't go away and treatment is NEEDED!
For taking treatment for depression from ePsyClinic, Just type your message in the chat box (at the bottom left you would see a green chat icon) and you will be instantly connected with an expert epsyclinic psychologist in a private chat!
DO IT FOR YOU! DO IT NOW!
Disclaimer: This is a real letter and the names are not disguised. Saloni has come forward to share this. ePsyClinic respects each client's confidentiality and never publishes anything without the wish of the client involved.
Tags: #Pregnancy #Depression