Dear Brother, as you will be a husband soon, I want to talk to you as a woman!
17 Feb 2017
I am so happy you are getting married and entering into a new phase of your life. And you saw me smiling all day... I am so happy for you my little brother. So happy that the time has come to see you as a groom! It feels like yesterday when we played in sand and sun :)
Today I write to you not only as your sister, but as a woman, who has been through all the pain- distress and has seen the bitter side of marital institution.
The day my marriage had been arranged, I was under the impression that the institution of marriage was a path of eternal love, pleasure and friendship. Soon I realized that this castle of sweet dreams turned into a bitter nightmare. The same hard hitting story should not happen with you and your wife.
Anger, fights, interference and insecurity became the main ingredients of my married life. We developed a relationship that was nowhere close to what an ideal marriage looked like. I was left alone, having dinner without him. And worse his family including his sister, used to cherish that I dined alone...
This continued for days, soon became a practice.
He was busy working and when at home, busy in proving to his insecured family that I, his wife is nothing more than a beautiful and somewhat meaningful piece of furniture... I have dreaded this experience...
If he bought me one flower, he had to buy one for his sister and three for his mother... It wasn't that I did not want him to love his family... But the constant competition is what drained me. And not just this, he would randomly go to meet his friends when I waited for him at home... When I spoke about this to his sister, she went ahead and told this to my mother in law... And then they gave me a lecture indirectly of how men have their circle, of how they need to be in the group of "earners", "boys" to lead in society... I was shocked...
To be honest, I felt somewhat humiliated... You think this bro, I left my home for him but for him my worth is nothing. He is trying or being pushed to prove that I am secondary in his life... I had left you my bro too... I am writing this to you today because I don't want to be part of the reason for my bhabhi's sadness, her hurt..
I don't want you to be the bro first, the son first kind of guy. I want you to be with Anjali too. I really mean it and what is this first business anyways? We all have a different relationship and there should be no space for comparisons!
We have anyways been together only on weekends and that too if you weren't busy with friends... Suddenly I don't want to claim your time just to prove a point that I am more close to you or should be more close to you than Anjali...
You are not a trophy bro... You are my bro, my mom's son and you have played those roles so well.. Play the role of Anjali's husband well too. Wonder why I wrote a letter as opposed to telling you all this face to face? Because may be you would have laughed this off... Brother, it is not anything to be laughed at... Brother this hurts... Please don't be like this to Anjali...
I am talking to someone who is helping me cope... But I don't want Anjali to go through this. I don't want you to go through this.
I will also talk to mummy and help her see my perspective...
Let Anjali be free like a bird in an endless sky, make this new nest her home... Let her be someone she wants to be, let her explore the untouched horizons of her life, let you be someone who she is comfortable with, someone who she can confide in.
Let your relationship grow, allow her to take care of you... She will wish to express her love for you through small ways of care.. Do not deny her a good marriage experience just to prove points that do no one any good in the long run. Enjoy and love each other... Let this time be your most beautiful and memorable one!
Disclaimer: This is a letter from a client to her brother. She wanted to share this with us so that other men and sister in law and families of grooms can hear voice. Copyright @ePsyClinic
THE IMAGE USED IN THE ARTICLE IS REPRESENTATIONAL AND NOT OF THE PERSON WHO HAS WRITTEN THIS LETTER
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Tags: #sister #letter