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Dating To Marriage -- 5 Steps

05 Nov 2016

Tosi and Caesar got married after dating for a couple of years. Soon after marriage, they both felt like the other has changed. For Tosi, Caesar valued his family over her and hardly gave her time or attention; while Caesar felt Tosi is constantly sulking and complaining about his family. They keep on fighting over small issues, while the distance becomes bigger with each passing argument. As they felt their dreams were dashed and probably the relationship will not work out, they came to us at ePsyClinic. Here our counselors showed them the difference between dating and marriage, and how to ease on the transition.

 

While a person wonders whether to get married or continue to date, questions about the pros and cons of either option will likely arise. He may focus on the freedom that comes with being able to date, or he may be more into the idea that marriage provides a sort of sanctuary from the outside world, as well as safe place to be himself. Dating provides the opportunity to build a secure foundation before entering into the marriage commitment, but also offers less stability in relationships. Marriage lowers depression risk, but also may result in financial constraints, especially if a couple marries at a very young age.

 

Comparison Chart

Dating

Marriage

When two people go out, spend time together in love

When the union of two people is publicly announced and accepted by families, community and religious leaders

There can be shared assets and children, but it is up to the partners how much they admit to having in common

There can be shared assets and children both spouses are entitled to and responsible for

It used to be about getting to know a bit about the other person, now it allows people to experience every aspect of couple life

It used to be about alliances between families, assets and dowry exchange and producing heirs, now it is about love

 

 

Marriage comes with a lot of responsibility and compromises. And let’s face it; it brings more changes for a woman than a man. What are the 5 things that can rock you up? Here is a quick glimpse.

§  Shift of Attention: while dating, you meet with your partner for a limited time; just the two of you and your attention is focused only on each other. After marriage, however there are the elderly parents and sister to be married, who takes up a lot of your partner’s attention.

§  You Get a New Set of Family: as much as you have interacted with them while dating, living with them is a completely different matter. Right now, you have to adjust with all their idiosyncrasies, which might be completely different from your own.

§  Managing Work and Family: gone are the days when you would come home from work, tired, only to be served a cup coffee by your mother, asking after your day. Here, you rush to the kitchen before office, and make dinner after coming home. There might be someone to help you out, but the stress remains. Also, family functions and monthly meeting may fall on the same day.

§  Balancing the Third: there is always a third, or a fourth in marriage. Criticizing your mother in law’s views up front to your husband will not earn you points; it would rather make him defensive and lead to a fight. Broach the topic, tactfully. Show them the benefits of following your way; be assertive instead of being aggressive.

§  Missing Those Carefree Days: you feel you have less freedom; you cannot wear whatever you want or go out on your own. There is this tickling fear – what will they think? And soon enough, you feel trapped and suffocated. Don’t fall into the trap. Set limits from the beginning, and make them understand you are not really doing anything that might affect your new family negatively.

So girls, don’t you think life is going to be so beautiful after marriage? And, even if a few of these changes scared you right now, all we have to say is just do not panic!

These will soon become a part of your life and you will totally love your new role in life. 

Pre-Marital Counseling is a way by which more than 40% of urban couples are keeping their happiness alive from the dating phase to marriage phase. It helps set the expectations, overcome issues of in-laws and balancing expeectations. 

If you are a dating couple and you need to assure that your marriage is happy,then click the chat button on left and speak now to a guidance psychologist for understanding the counseling process & charges 


Tags: dating marriage happiness well being adjustment