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Make your relationship of a happy colour, this HOLI!

28 Oct 2016

Khira was upset. This is the first HOLI after her marriage, and she and her husband Ajay has been having fights for quite some time now. It is always about small things, but they keep on piling up all the time. Khira was sad about the turn things have taken; she was anxious about what her in laws would think of her and was afraid to go their place for holi. She was also pretty sure that Ajay will spend less time with her and more with everyone else, as he has been doing for quite some time now.


Ajay was facing his own demons. He had a lot of plans for this holi, the first after their marriage. But of late, he found there was being too many arguments between him and Khira, his wife over small things. What had made her so complaining all of a sudden, he could not fathom; or was she always been like this? He just never observed that well? Ajay was tensed about this holi now. They were supposed to go his home, and he did not want any altercations in front of his parents. He wanted to spend time with Khira as well, but presently, he was being intimidated by her; and thus avoided her.


Often in life, our relationships hit rough patches.


While the prosaic mundanity of our daily life seems to carry on the vicious cycle, some change of situation and environment may push the negativities aside and create a new spark. Here are some of the tips to colour your relationship this holi, just like Khira and Ajay did:


·Know your trigger points and plan ahead. Anger and anxiety are obstacles to effective communication. If you know something or someone is likely to set you off, be prepared with coping skills. Khira knew Ajay’s being busy elsewhere would make her upset as she would feel lonely. She never allowed herself the chance. She kept herself busy with preparations, socialised with friends and also communicated to Ajay that festival is a time when the two of them should be less busy and more with each other. 


·Be honest with yourself about what you want to do to celebrate the holidays—not what you feel you should do. Ajay was worried that Khira would not be as happy at his local small town place; hence he formulated a plan for Khira and himself.

He took  her out for local craft shopping and bought small little craft items with Khira, Something he knew she loved. Khira ended up loving her Hubby's small town home!


·Be proactive by asking for what you want from others. Don’t wait to be disappointed. Others are much more likely to meet your expectations if you are clear. In spite of having differences and distance, Khira made a point to ask Ajay for spending some time alone with her, just the 2 of them.


·Establish a family ritual that allows your immediate family to spend time together and connect. Simple rituals, such as putting up decorations, watching a holiday movie or wrapping presents together, can create happy, lifelong memories. As Khira kept herself busy with all the preparations , she found that he was often helping her out in decorations or wrapping the presents. It made her feel happy.


·Spend quality time with your spouse every day—even if it is just five or 10 minutes. Discuss challenges and make sure you are on the same page. As Khira had asked for, Ajay spent a little bit of time with her every day. They went for a walk each night of the holidays after dinner. On the last day of their vacation, they went for a long drive and had an ice cream off the road.


Small gestures mean a lot in a relationship than loud words. If you care, show that you care. Communication, planning and sharing together can help armor you against the seasonal pressures and make this diwali is a special time for you both as a couple … with a little bit of nudge, things will surely lighten and brighten up.


Happy Holi from Team ePsyClinic!! 


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Tags: couple, relationship, anxiety, sadness, well being, sharing, communication, family