Dear Husband, A letter for you on Karvachauth
06 Oct 2017
I will be honest with you, whenever the festival of KarvaChauth is Around, I actually feel happy. I feel like this is my day and your day. I feel happy to pray for you. And that I always have been doing. Haven't I?
Whenever there is something that you wish to accomplish, I keep that prayer like my First in the wish list.
So how can I not enjoy a festival that celebrates your life? I like to dress up for you. Ofcourse who knows it better than you!
I also like to fast for you. No and I dont think its a sacrifiice that I should not be doing. I don't feel that it is in anyway taking my equality away. That is not even the question here.
Infact, what all I have left for you, if you compare that with this one day of water and food, the discussion that this is a big sacrifice will wane away.
I have sacrificed living with my parents to be with you. This is something that I had a problem with. This is a sacrifice that definitely made me feel less powerful and weak.
I have sacrificed my dignity for you. Some of my new family members including your mom, sister and brother have been constantly disapproving of me. They have tortured my emotions and left me anxious and hopeless many times. And many times you have stood their watching. That is a sacrifice and it has definitely made me depressed
I have sacrificed my successes for you. Being as qualified as you are, I had to leave my job to be with you. I am still working but I could have been on a position much higher and much bigger but to move with your dreams, I made the size of my dreams small. That is a sacrifice I did and it definitely made me feel less empowered.
I sacrificed my peace for you. In the last 5 years of Marriage, whenever there has been a problem around you, I have been rock solid with you. I have loved to be the anchor in your life in pain. It does break me and my strength while I am sharing the pain and pressure with you. What I have done in the process is spoken less about my own pains with you. I know you are not ready for more pain so I keep itt with me and you Never ASK. But it does break me down. This is a sacrifice that has definitely made me feel pained.
So as you can see, Leaving food and water for a day is not even qualifying as a list of sacrifice that could annoy me. As I said I enjoy this!!!
But what would be good, if you can make me sacrifice less at other places.
It will be nice if we can takec care of my parents too.My parents are old now as yours and they need good healthcare. It will be nice if we can provide them that care, irrespective of who pays for it? You or I or We?
It will be nice if next time you see ill being spoken about me in my front or behind my back , you be the voice that stops this from happening. I too need a happy peaceful co-existence but this is not my fight as many would say. I cannot as assertive with your folks as much as you can be. Your words will have a greater impact so speak out for me. This is one sacrifice I do not enjoy.
It will be nice, if you ask me once, Priya can you find a better job in any other city. I wouldn't mind moving this time with you. I will find there something nice but I want mutual growth. Even if for once you show me that respect and commitment towards me, that will mean the world to me.
Next time when I am in pain and if you see that and ask me and share my worries and anxieties even if you feel they are trivial, I will feel heard and needed. I will feel more in peace even with the problems knowing that you are there for me.
So dear husband, Fasting for you makes me happy and always will do, I anyways will keep praying for you 365 days a year, 24 hours a day.
This is not the sacrifice that I want to end . I am more concerned about the other important ones that are never heard..
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Tags: #husband #love #karvachauth