I stopped caring if my husband loves me more
07 Oct 2016
You grow up listening all these stories where they “lived happily ever after”. It seemed that simple. When I got married, I thought it will be me and my husband and our happy family together. Not that I wasn’t prepared to be there and care for his family. I thought why would his relationship with his own family will affect a relationship between a husband and his wife. Apparently I was wrong.
When I left my family for my husband and his family, I had expected them to be empathetic and caring towards me which were never met. I found myself striving for his attention, love and care. I would be waiting all day to spend some time with him, tell him about my day and hear him about his and have a companionship but somehow that never happened. He would come back, go straight to his mother’s room and have long talks with her, even through the dinner. At night, he would just tell me he is too tired and go to sleep. I tried making plans at the weekends also, to spend some time with him. But those plans kept getting postponed too because his mother needed him or some other family member or relative would be visiting him for which she would want him to stay at home to attend to them. I felt unattended and humiliated at times.
I would sit with my fingers crossed for every plan I make with him because most likely that plan would be dissolved my his mother. I needed my husband. So, I tried to win the edge over others. I tried to be ahead of his mother. I cooked things he liked, tried to involve myself in things he liked such as the sport he watched or other things he liked. I tried to get to him before his mother and tried really hard. And, it wasn’t just me working hard.
His mother was so used to have all the attention of her son and couldn’t let go of his control at all, she was constantly trying to win him too. For example, if earlier it was supposed to do something for him, say buy him something he needs, she would try to get it before me for him.It had become a routine task for everyday. I had to think of a ‘ strategy’ to get him to talk to me every day and spend time with him.
There was a constant competition between me and my mother in law which makes no sense because both relationships are equally important in a man’s life and both the relationships should have its own place. Yet, this strife, this imbalance was there.
I soon realized that this unrelenting competition for my husband with his mother drove me down. It was draining and exhausting for me.
I used to get upset too. And honestly, it was an unyielding completion. I was getting nothing out of it.
A husband and a wife’s relationship should be natural and not forced. So, I stopped competing. I stopped caring if my husband goes straight to his mother’s room and herby spends time with me. I stopped caring if my husband thinks that his mother does more for him than me. I stopped caring about letting go of my own self to become more convincing companion to my husband. I have taken into appreciating myself for who I am. And now I am happier.
I feel lighter without the burden of this competition. I can be my own support and my own strength.
I am happy now and at peace with myself. I am focusing more on my career and my life now
If you are going through an unhappy phase in marriage, a marriage where you expected something else and what is happening is totally different. If you are unable to disconnect yourself in a way that you actually stop caring or if you want things to change in your marriage for the sake of love, then seek couple or individual therapy at IWill app by epsyclinic.
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Tags: #compared #no good #less good