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women are encouraged to cry and plead rather than assert!

06 Oct 2016

Jaggu and Pammi were twins. As children, they often fought while playing. Between the two, Pammi was often asked to stop as she was a girl; and she felt she got more support when she cried rather than asserted herself. As a girl, she was taught not to aggress; rather crying was the proper response. She should be soft and plead for things, rather than demanding, as girls are not supposed to demand.


Pari kept the phone down. This was the third time this month that she and Rehan had a fight. Like always, Rehan would threaten to break up and stop talking as long as she does not plead him to stay and say sorry. Pari was getting tired, she knew that she was not at fault, but what else she could do? She had to say sorry to keep the relationship going. She loved Rehan and did not want him leave; and no one else would have her. Rehan reminded her that every now and then, and after 3 years, she completely believed it. Thus she sobbed and pleaded every time.


Pekham shed silent tears as she tended to her wounds, as she did every night after her husband came home. He would find one fault in her or the other each day, and hold it as a prerogative to beat her up. It has been like this for last 4 years, since a year after their marriage. Once she pushed him away, and he injured himself by falling. When families and relatives got to know, they blamed her for being ‘too aggressive’. When she told about the regular beatings, her own mother told that she must be doing something to provoke the beatings. Pekham’s father made it clear that she would have to adjust with her husband and they will not be giving her shelter if she leaves her husband and shames them. Pekham knew there was no hope for her, and she wished to die. But she could not commit suicide thinking of her child. She just cried herself to sleep every night and wished the next morning would never come.

Pammi, Pari, Pekham, they are no isolated incidents. They are rather the dark reality of our society. Society has created a gender role stereotype, where women are expected to be soft, adjusting to the point of getting beyond themselves. They are not supposed to fight, rather simply suffer. They are to plead for something that is their right, like respect, dignity and acceptance. They are expected to be the ideal ‘daughter’, ‘wife’ and ‘daughter in law’. Women are taught about making adjustment from a very young age. They are expected to make all the efforts to make everyone comfortable and happy. That sure is a huge responsibility, and also a reason for a lot of women undergoing stress. She is supposed to prioritize everything else before herself --- that is the adjustment. This surely leads to a lot of stress and pressure to deal with.

Such pressured often trigger a lot of psychological issues in women, the commonest of which are:

·         Chronic sadness and anxiety

·         Depression

·         Low self esteem and self worth

·         Low self confidence & growing self doubt

·         Social withdrawal and isolation

·         Relationship problems

·         Work performance deterioration



Differences between Male & Female Thought Processes 

Women tend to:

Men tend to:

Blame themselves

Blame others

Feel sad, apathetic, and worthless

Feel angry, irritable, and ego inflated

Feel anxious and scared

Feel suspicious and guarded

Avoid conflicts at all costs

Create conflicts

Feel slowed down and nervous

Feel restless and agitated

Have trouble setting boundaries

Need to feel in control at all costs

Find it easy to talk about self-doubt and despair

Find it “weak” to admit self-doubt or despair

Use food, friends, and "love" to self-medicate


Use alcohol, TV, sports, and sex to self-medicate























Raising children in societies that adhere to rigid gender roles, with fixed ideas about what should be considered “masculine” and “feminine,” can actually be detrimental to their physical and mental health, according to a study that observed 14-year-olds’ interactions over a three month period.

“Usually we think of gender as natural and biological, but it’s not… We actually construct it in ways that have problematic and largely unacknowledged health risks,” lead researcher Maria do Mar Pereira, the deputy director for the University of Warwick’s Centre for the Study of Women and Gender.

Lets raise a society where women can assert... It is important for their overall wellbeing and mental health! 

Take help of a professional counselor at We all have a limited coping strategies, and when things get beyond our control, we all need help. The most important thing is not conforming to the societal expectations, rather our own well being. Take the step towards happiness, all major journeys started with that one step.

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Tags: #Women are #encouraged #cry #plead