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I have lost interest in everything

29 Sep 2016

“ No. I am not doing this to gain attention from my friends and family. I am not trying to act like that to get my way around and get pampered by my husband & /or by family like everyone thinks. My tears are not fake and not coming out in efforts to gain sympathy so that the world will consider me important for the time being.

One wouldn’t think so if they actually knew what I am feeling, how every bit of me is burning every minute. This sadness, this hopelessness, this feeling of worthlessness is like killing me from inside.

I can’t eat or sleep properly, I am constantly having these terrible negative thoughts and this strong feeling that things will never go right.

I have heard people talk about me that if I am just left to myself, I will stop doing this. If I won’t have anyone to show and grab attention from my behaviour, I wouldn’t be having these crying spells or irritability or extreme sensitivities and will be ‘normal’.

They just don’t know how I feel. How I can’t concentrate on anything and sometimes I can’t even remember things.

How I have lost interest in everything I loved doing before. How I feel guilty and not worthy for everything.

 

How I find no energy to do anything, don’t even want to get out of my bed and don’t care about combing my hair or dressing which I loved to do before. I don’t even want to see anybody if they really want to know, don’t want to talk to anybody.

 

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I look at everyone around me and envy them for their capability of being happy and positive. I look at my husband and think he will probably find someone better than me or I look at my children and think I will never be able to be a good mother and keep them happy.

I look at myself and fill up with self loathe and can’t think of a single reason for my existence. I blame myself and keep blaming till I break into tears and just want to end everything at some point.

It is not that I don’t try to get out of this. I would like to tell all those who think I am faking it, I really don’t want all of this.

I struggle with myself everyday, tell myself every minute that everything is going to be fine but then those horrible hopeless thoughts grip and pull me down and I feel like I am falling into a deep dark pit, full of sadness and despair.

And they say, I want attention. I am a sad, hopeless and hurt person. I don’t care about  attention.

All I want is to be happy, to live again, to know that there is hope and good things in the world to look for and come out of that deep dark pit forever! All I want is some help with this and judgementalism is not help.”

Thats why I reach out to you ePsyClinic. Help me but also let the world know that I am not faking it. Other men and women like me are not faking either. These are my real experiences. No one will ever fake it for too long and be sad.. Lets show us empathy, Dear world... For I there are many more sufferers like me... I read your post on facebook yesterday and thought I should share my story as well... Keep helping, keep calling many like me coz we have been silenced by our own... sometimes by ourself 

 

Sunita Dhawan

 

Type your message in the Chat  To connect instantly & privately to an expert EPsyClinic psychologist NOW

 

Type your message in the Chat  To connect instantly & privately to an expert EPsyClinic psychologist NOW

 


Tags: #depression #woman