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Dear Maa, your lessons for my happiness are not working

21 Sep 2016

My dear mom,


Mom, I clearly remember your words that I should consider my maternal home as just one part of my life. And that my own home will be set by me after my marriage.

That work and career are one aspect of my life but adjustment is the key for me. That, if I share my love and warmth in my own nest, I will always be happy.

However mom, today I feel emotionally broken.

 I don’t feel happy after marriage. That a part of me is still stuck with the long cherished moments of my life spent with you, and in my maternal home.

So much so that I don’t even feel like calling this home as MY OWN.

 I feel this because I was a happy soul at my home, when I grew up with you and my family, you  showered so much on me.

I remember those moments when my love for  was reciprocated by all of you.

 For it was my parents , you and pa, who made me feel what love and care is what family is all about and that family should be the utmost priority in my life.  

You are the one who told me that keep your ambitions as your second priority and work towards having a blissful married life.

That it will be you, who will be responsible for steering a happy married life.

I don’t feel the same sense of love and understanding for me as an individual in my new "HOME"

Am I here to put all my dreams in a shell, and close myself as a person? Am I not the same person as I was brought up by you?

Mom, a part of me inside still wants to chase my dreams and ambitions with an equal gusto.

I feel that my personal dreams should make my husband and my family proud of me.

But that is not true mom. My employee of the year award didn't make them happy... I was really sad... When I was unwell. My mother in law did come to me and asked me once or twice... But not like you mom. I got no coffees in bed, no bed side chit chat like it used to happen between me and you when I was unwell and you tried to distract me.... Mom, HOW can love me one sided?

Honestly mom, I feel times have changed. My mother in law also has her own lifestyle, and busy most hours of the day. 

Mom today I am doing what you always told me. I am nurturing my new relationships with love and care.  However no one is nurturing me.

Each morning, I pat my own back... I love myself .... No one loves me as much.... Mom, LOVE is two sided.... I am incompleted within and your lessons that what I will give, I will get did not work MOM... SORRY MOM BUT IT DIDNT HAPPEN.

Mom, a part of me inside still wants to chase my dreams and ambitions with an equal gusto.

If you are going through an unhappy phase in marriage, a marriage where you expected something else and what is

happening is totally different. If you are not happy, counseling at ePsyClinic is going to help. There is no point in ignoring and letting things get worse. 

IWill therapy is an online therapy recovery program delivered by voice/chat/video sessions by an epsyclinic psychologist.



Tags: #marriage #woman #happiness