Marriages are made in heaven.. but why there is less than heavenly experience
18 Sep 2016
Marriages are made in heaven, and it is with this feeling that tells a woman (instinctively) that yes! Now is the time to open a new chapter of her life.
It is a big move for a woman-as in a patriarchal society, it is the woman who is always looked upon with expectations. So, from the very beginning, it is not just about what a female dreams about her married life. Of course she is stepping into a new world, and should be expecting a lot of support from everyone around. However, once you have tied the knot: it is over to you to run the show.
Irrespective of the fact that it is a love marriage or an arranged one, many of us would now rather agree that our own perception of a happy marriage is different from the reality.
Blame it on us partially, we, as individuals expect to be pampered with love. We also expect our new family to love us as much as we have been loved by our maternal family (if not literally). From our husbands we expect the same support, as we are now an integral part of their lives, and are in most ways responsible towards each other to take care of a mutual relationship.
However, things are not as upright as it seems to be. We all are aware of the teething problems of adjustment we have to face in a new place. Sometimes, we are not even forthcoming, for our fear of upsetting things in a settled dwelling. Yet, there are times when we are deliberately not allowed to feel at home. For, we are treated as a new member in the family; yet, not given the freedom to take things in our control (as if we are here with some personal ambition of sorts). Our small expressions towards enjoying life in our new home is often misunderstood.
Even our husbands take us for granted. Better still, they leave us on our own.
Sometimes, even the trust factor between us starts getting affected. There is so much happening behind the scenes in the house-that it no shock anymore that the husband will kindly refrain from giving his judgment (as if it’s a court). For him, it’s easier to say- it is your life, your responsibility; meaning, it is a woman’s terrain. Politely they might sometime say, that please excuse me-for me, you and my mother are the same. So, please keep me off such matters. Better said than done!
Husbands are the reason, woman is there in the first place. A woman always expects empathy from her husband; unfortunately, at times the circumstances are so circumspect by their own self that we only end up ruining our lives. We also sometimes withhold points of discussion fearing that the husbands will not understand, or has already decided not to intervene. This is the breaking point for a woman. This is the time when a woman starts getting into her own shell, or is so stressed out within the boundaries of her home; that she stops enjoying her life.
We start living in a cuckoo, where life is full of compromises, and only compromises. Compromises might be sensibility but not beyond a point. It is we who has to draw the line-between the right and the wrong. From the very beginning we should be cautious of not digging our own graves. I am not saying, don’t raise your voice instantaneously, but don’t be a just a yes or no person. Try to reason out things with your husband. If not, then with your mother in law. Obedience is good, but not at the cost of your happiness.
If you are facing discord in your marriage and need happiness, couple therapy is the way. It helps you and your partner discuss things that are paining in you a neutral environment and a therapist helps you to overcome your issues.
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Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. The facts and opinions appearing in the article do not reflect the views of ePsyClinic and ePsyClinic does not assume any responsibility or liability for the same.
Tags: #MARRIAGE #MEN #WOMEN #HAPPINESS