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Am I your priority or an afterthought?

04 Sep 2016

Dear Rajiv,

It has been so long since we have talked. No matter how much I’ve tried, you were never available. I know you have a family, you care for your mother and love your sister a lot, I do too; but wasn’t I ever deserving of your affection and time?

IWill therapy is an online therapy recovery program delivered by voice/chat/video sessions by an epsyclinic psychologist. https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.epsyclinic.iwill

If you don't have an android, no problem, just hit the chat button your bottom left side. One of our IWill therapists will guide you to our web and call based therapy.

I know your sister is soon to be married and will go away, but Rajiv, I already have left my home, family behind for you, for us. Have you ever thought of that?

You often hang out with your friends when I’m waiting. Our outings always include your friends or your sister, birthdays and anniversaries are always family functions.

You never asked me whether I’m okay with what you are planning, most of the time I’m the last person to be informed. Why do always take me for granted, Rajiv?

Have you ever pondered that I might not like to go out with friends and family always? Or you simply care to less even to bother? Still, I had accepted all of that, thinking that it will make you happy, and hoping one day you will realize what makes me happy. A hope, which has diminished over time.

 

You always felt your friends’ wives are happier with what little they have, you kept on comparing us with others. I don’t feel like doing this anymore. I don’t feel like waking up every morning to do the household chores, well I don’t feel like getting up, period. I don’t feel like smiling at your sister’s jokes or listening to your mother’s advises. I don’t feel like talking to anyone, or seeing anyone. You don’t know but most nights I cry myself to sleep now.

 

I don’t feel like this is my home anymore.

 

Rajiv, I don’t feel like living anymore.

 

Your WIFE,

Shanaya.

 

Like Shanaya, many women in worldwide are taken for granted by their in laws, held as an afterthought by their husbands. Are you one of them?

 

 

If you see your marriage on the rocks, do not wait.  Time may only increase the distance, Instead seek help now!

Online Marriage Therapy at ePsyClinic can even be successful in cases where one partner is willing for therapy and the other is not.

 

IWill therapy is an online therapy recovery program delivered by voice/chat/video sessions by an epsyclinic psychologist. https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.epsyclinic.iwill

If you don't have an android, no problem, just hit the chat button your bottom left side. One of our IWill therapists will guide you to our web and call based therapy.

 

 

How to understand when you are being treated as an afterthought?

A pentameter to help you understand your relationship better.

 

§  When someone never makes plans in advance with you, but expects you to be available at the last minute to do whatever their heart desires;

§  When your significant other chooses the company of his friends much more often than your company;

§  When other family relationships come to the foreground more often than your relationship;

§  They have different priorities than yours and you have to remind your spouse about your birthdays or medical checkups;

§  They keep on comparing you to other people.

 

The letter worked as an alarm bell to Rajiv who then brought his wife to us at ePsyClinic. Here we explained to them why opening up to each other is important, and how alone time is absolutely imperative for the evolution and growth of the relationship. It was not that Rajiv did not care for Shanaya, but he cared much more about other things. He felt he needed to spend more time with his sister who is to be married soon and he would miss her, his aged mother needed his care or he needed some ‘Me’ time with his friends. Rajiv felt Shanaya was there with him for life, so she can wait at the moment.  And it was not that he excluded her, it was just that he included others too, and was losing out in the crucial early years of marriage in the process.

 

We at ePsyClinic helped them to understand their expectations of each other, and set realistic goals about the future. We also helped them to create a balance between themselves and others. After these sessions, both could value each other's presence and could leave the hurt behind.

Your wife or your husband, someone who is living with you forever as a partner should and can never be an afterthought. 

Cherish them 

IWill therapy is an online therapy recovery program delivered by voice/chat/video sessions by an epsyclinic psychologist. https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.epsyclinic.iwill

If you don't have an android, no problem, just hit the chat button your bottom left side. One of our IWill therapists will guide you to our web and call based therapy.


Tags: marital issues, sadness, depression, unsatisfied, unhappy, anxiety