A month without your wife
01 Sep 2016
If you are in a phase of discord and are contemplating separation, please imagine a month without your wife
Lets go step by step on it. Lets stretch and imagine how your life would be one month without your wife where there is no connection even on call.
You wake up in the morning, have to make your own breakfast and then get yourself and your kids ready and manage the maid and every other household responsibility in the house. Only then you can go to work.
You come back home tired, but you can’t just crash into the couch and chill. You have to make dinner and check everything else. You need to look after the kids, their homework, their food and put them to sleep.
When you face issues at your workplace or need to talk about your hurt, you will have no one at home. No one to share a light laugh with, no one who would find your romance skills better than a hero.
You will miss her dressing up, her presence in your house. Her being there for everything. Your birthday and how she made it like an event.
Now imagine your wife has been doing all that since years and has been there for you. Is she really giving you stress and a hard time?On the contrary, she is sharing with you or even taking it all off you and putting everything on herself. She is not making your life miserable but just more comfortable so, that you can breathe well.
Marriage is not just about a husband and a wife living together. Marriage is also about compatibility, companionship, compassion and sharing. There is no definition for a perfect spouse. You both need to work towards make it a happy marriage. There will be pain and there will pleasures, but isn’t that how a person evolves into being a better person!
Marriage psychologists at ePsyClinic are brilliant and efficient and can help you to make your marriage happy and enhance husband and wife relationship today.
Discords can drive the happiness down but we can help resolve them,
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The neverending advise to "adjust" for women
26 Oct 2015
When Arti faced marital problems after 2 years of marriage and wanted her in laws and parents to help, she was told to ‘adjust’. It wasn’t limited to family but later when she got herself a lawyer he gave her the same advice – ‘adjust’.
At one point Arti started to believe that it was her inability to ‘adjust’ with her husband’s abusive behaviour and alcohol problem that has led to a marital discord. She was made to feel that the only thing wrong here was not wanting to ‘adjust’.
Marriage is a lot about making adjustments with your partner- however this hold true mostly for women. They are expected to be the ideal ‘wife’ and ‘daughter in law’. Women are talked to about making adjustment from a very young age. They are expected to make all the efforts to make everyone comfortable and happy. That sure is a huge responsibility! This is also a huge reason for a lot of women undergoing stress.
A woman’s identity is just not that of a wife but also a professional. She is expected to make requisite adjustments at work in order to prioritize her family. A majority of men today want their wives to be working as surely it does ease things out financially but there are very few who acknowledge it as a priority. If there is work stress for the husband she is supposed to be supportive and understand. If he has got a promotion or a new job in another city, she is supposed to relocate too.
She is supposed to prioritize everything else before herself- that is the adjustment. This surely leads to a lot of stress and pressures to deal with.
Yes it is important to know your responsibilities but getting stressed out because of too many burdens of adjustments levied onto you as woman is unhealthy and is being harsh on ourselves.
Marriage is a major life event. Everyone has teething issues which sometimes make it difficult for us. You may feel stressed, sad, hopeless and exhausted. You may also experience physical symptoms like trembling, twitching, sweating, regular headaches. These are all signs of difficulties in adjustment. One of the leading causes of depression in women is the adjustment difficulties.
Here are things that you can do to help yourself deal with the stress:
1.Prioritise yourself: Put yourself over and above everything and everyone. Only if you are happy and content can you make others happy. You can surely please one person for sure i.e. yourself. You will be in a much better position and state of mind to take on other responsibilities.
2.Juggling role effectively: When in the office avoid thinking about the house and when you are at home avoid work. This will just help you concentrate on the role you are supposed to be in at that time.
3. Dividing Responsibilities at Home: Avoid taking everything on yourself. Taking help from your partner surely will help. If you are making diner allow him to help you wind up.
4.Discussing your stressors with your partner: If you feel that you have a lot of responsibilities on you and feel that you are unable to cope with them, talk about it with your partner. You can surely come up with a way to reduce your burden.
5.Dealing with his family: The biggest and also the most challenging adjustment that women find is - deal with the in laws. Also there is a preconceived difficulty attached to it. It is important to start on a positive note. Try seeing the positive aspects and not just the negative ones.
6. Avoid Overthinking: Thinking about the same thing over and over again can be very exhaustive. If a certain distressing thought makes its way again and again, replace it by a positive and productive thought.
7.Avoid looking back at your previous life: Marriage is surely a different experience and an enjoyable one too. However in order to enjoy it even more you need to stop looking back at the time you were not married.
8.Have your expectations low: It is important not just to expect less from other but also yourself. You will find many reasons to be happy this way.
9.Appreciate Yourself: Every day before sleeping look at the various achievements you made through the day and appreciate yourself for it.
10. Speak your mind: If you feel someone is being insensitive towards you and you feel hurt stand up for yourself. Never let repercussions stop you from talking your mind. However it should be communicated in a healthy manner.
11.Take Professional Help: If you feel overwhelmed by the various adjustment difficulties that you are facing, take the step towards mental wellness. See a counsellor or a Psychologist who can help you to effectively deal with your life.
If you are depressed because of unlived dreams and too many adjustments and want help
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Tags: marriage, spouse, compatibility, marriage work