Bullied - How to fight Back
31 Aug 2016
Kavya had always been a star pupil, the topper at her class. She was one of the firsts in their batch to bag a job from the campus interviews, and that too in one the most leading organizations. She started her new job with high hopes of achievements and growth. But her hopes were soon to be dashed.
From the very beginning, her boss found her to be unsatisfactory in every aspect, from the way Kavya dealt with the work she was delegated with to her work ethics, and he was vehement in his condemnation. Kavya was criticized many times in front of her colleagues even at the minutest fault, her projects were made to be redone several times, her name never came up for appraisals, and she was never found to be eligible for the next promotion. No matter what she did, she was just not good enough. Several of her peers who were less qualified or hard working were promoted soon, which added to Kavya’s stress. Often she questioned herself where she was making the mistake, but she could not find ways in which to improve. In due course Kavya started to question herself, second guess every small decision of hers. Her confidence faltered, she started lagging behind her colleagues. She started to feel she was not good enough, and her problems would never ever end. She was being afraid of going to meetings in fear of being openly criticized. Her performance went downhill, and her boss started proclaiming the rightness of his decision to disapprove of her. Kavya became depressed, she stopped going to the office, or meeting people. She cried on small things, could not take jokes anymore; she snapped at others without any apparent reason. She was given several warnings about her performance and productivity in office, and was on the verge of losing her job. It was then a friend of Kavya’s brought her to us.
A bullying mentor or a boss can be detrimental to one’s self esteem and performance. If you are being rejected in every way, you do start being hesitant, second guessing your own self.
What happens when you are bullied?
· Feel anxious, depressed, lonely or insecure and feel like crying a lot.
· Be unable to concentrate in work.
· Feel angry and wonder why this is happening to you.
· Feel afraid to go to office and nervous if you’re on your own.
· Think the problem is relentless and wonder if it will ever stop.
· Feel lonely, isolated and avoid group situations.
· Spend a lot of time trying to figure out what to do or where to go to avoid being harassed.
· Start to think that maybe the insults and taunts are true and wonder if it’s your own fault.
· Have mood swings with a range of feelings from loneliness to anger.
· No longer enjoy the things you used to enjoy and drop out of activity groups or clubs.
· Feel trapped, helpless, withdrawn and like no one understands.
· Notice that these feelings are causing you to be unhappy at home and you are feeling moody or short tempered with your parents/friends, brothers or sisters.
What to do when you are being bullied?
·Set limits. Don’t be a martyr and work unreasonable hours or accept discourteous behavior. You won’t do yourself or your organization any good. Being able to say ‘no’ can be quite liberating, and might even earn you some respect from your bully mentor.
· Speak to your colleagues. Are you the only one being bullied or it is everybody? If you’re the only one being bullied, is it because you’re not doing your job properly or is it something personal? It may be simply that your boss doesn’t like you. Ask your colleagues for support and advice on how to handle the situation.
· Don’t lose your self-confidence. This might be easier said than done, as bullying will inevitably undermine the victim’s self-confidence. If you are experiencing a bullying boss, you might be questioning your value to the organization and feel like you’re not an important member. Take some time to look back over positive feedback from other colleagues or seniors and reflect on projects where you have done really well. This will help you reconnect with the reasons why the job is important to you.
Long-term bullying can lead to depression and feelings that you are worthless. Some of these effects can last for a long time. A person who is bullied may become someone who finds it hard to trust others, has problems making or keeping friends and lacks in confidence or self-worth.
If you have been bullied long term you may need specialized help from someone like a counselor or therapist. Talk to someone as soon as possible. A parent or your family doctor will be able to help you find someone who can support you with your feelings of depression, stress or anxiety.
During times of depression, sadness, stress or emotional anxiety, some people may ‘self harm’ (e.g. self cutting, abusing alcohol) or they may feel suicidal.
This is very serious. If this is happening for you, you need help as soon as possible. A counselor can help you to see the error of your thoughts, and help you think straight. Reach out, help is just a step away; and success, round the corner.
If you have faced bullying and pain and need help, we are here for you.
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Raising your daughter to become a successful Independent woman!
27 Sep 2015
Walk alongside me, Daddy
And hold my little hand
I have so many things to learn
That I don’t yet understand
Teach me things to keep me safe
From dangers everyday
Show me how to do my best
At home, at school, at play
Every child needs a gentle hand
To guide them as they grow
So walk alongside me, daddy
We have a long way to go
-By Helen Bush
Twenty seventh day of the month of September every year marks as a special day across the globe in celebrating “Daughter’s Day”. Nationally, celebrating daughter’s day poses a reminder for those who forget about the value that the girls hold in our life. Our societal attitudes and beliefs have always minimized the impact she has made in the lives of her loved ones.
Most of the times, we even forget to share with her our deep feelings that she is indispensable for our growth, development and survival. We carry on living our life without giving/expressing to her that share of love and care which she truly owns, and deserves. And within it, she should feel valued, cherished, appreciated and take pride.
A daughter is not only a daughter to her parent, but later, she becomes a boss in an organisation, a colleague at her work, wife to her husband, and a mother to her son/daughter.
She provides the best of her efforts and ability in meeting all of her roles expectations and demands set by the society. From an early age, socialisation trains her mind about what the society has kept in store for her and what she ought to think, feel and do as she will grow up. Neither interdependency nor expectations of her close relations sets her mind completely free to pursue what she truly desires and wishes for.
She hides her private feelings, thoughts, fears, concerns, ambitions, wishes, expectations inside her which is untouched by her and her loved ones. Fear of being unaccepted or rejected makes her reluctant to express herself comfortably in front of her loved ones.
Just like it is narrated in the poem, we need to remind ourselves again and again. We need to acknowledge her individuality that she is a person just like us who also has desires and wants to learn many things just like us and wishes to do her best possibly in all areas but she needs our loved support and care so that even if she falters, she knows her loved ones are there to guide her and take her forward towards better life and better future.
Some tips on how to raise a daughter for a successful future and a happy life
1) Letting her play in sun and dust: Play helps a child gain self awareness and self understanding about her actions.
2) Developing her leadership skills at home : Giving her tasks to manage independently while keeping in mind to guide her wherever she needs help. Helping her know how issues are discussed while considering other family members perspectives and jointly coming to conclusions.
3) Delegating work equally among children of both gender i.e. refraining from gender bias attitude- if there are children of both genders in family for example a son and a daughter then both children should be delegated equal amount of work with equal amount of responsibility and accountability.
4) Teaching her financial management: Helping her deal with finances and managing money so that she can earn a living and run successfully, organisations & household.
5) Making her learn commercial skills, extracurricular activities and so on.
6) Let her fail and re-try: Sons are always given may chances to fail but for daughters one failure defines her life. LET THIS NOT BE THE CASE. Give her as many chances she needs!
Raising a daughter with equality is a need of the hour. There are many things that parents need to do in order to negate the gender norms established in the society and help their little angel in becoming a shining star. At ePsyClinic, our parenting experts can guide you with all the aspects of effectively parenting, your young star.
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Tags: bullying, stress, anxiety, depression, coping skills, assertiveness, lack of motivation