Pain: Following an unending journey to find happiness
30 Aug 2016
Pain is inevitable. All of us, no matter how rich or poor, educated or illiterate, undergo pain at some point or other in our lives. Sometimes the pain lasts for a short time while at other times, it continues for long. No matter what the reason, unemployment, relationship break-up, death of a loved one or stressors at work, pain is here to stay. It might recede for a small time only to surface again with a different reason this time.
Let’s take a glimpse of Aditi’s life as an example. She was 7 years old when she lost her favorite uncle in a road accident. That was the first time she felt psychological pain. She had been physically hurt a lot of times but this hurt even without a physical element to it. She was a topper even since the beginning.
However, in class 7th, at the age of 11, she failed in mathematics. This came as a deep blow to her and she once again experienced pain along with disbelief and a feeling of shame. At 15, she entered her first relationship. However, it only lasted for 6 months after which her boyfriend broke up with her to date another girl.
She went through tremendous pain, hurting for the next six months, wondering what she had done wrong and what was lacking in her for him to leave her like this. Gradually she got over it and turned her attention to academics. She had dreams of joining IIT and worked hard to get in. But she couldn’t.
All her dreams shattered. She even thought of committing suicide unable to see any future without IIT. However, with the help of family and friends, she coped with it. She joined another prestigious college and completed her education. She was immediately placed in a MNC with a high salary package.
Three years into her job, the company went bankrupt and she was left without a job. She couldn’t believe it. She had worked hard, done all the right things and still despite her applaudable degrees, she was without a job. She soon found another job with a lower salary package. At her new company, she befriended a guy, soon fell in love and married him.
Their married life was blissful except for conflicts with her parents-in-law. She strived her best to resolve these conflicts, some did, some remained. She conceived two years after her marriage as planned with her husband.
Three months into the pregnancy, she suffered a miscarriage. She went into depression. It took months of therapy to get her out of that state. A year down the line, she became pregnant again and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Her life took a turn for the better.
She gave up her job and committed herself to bringing up her daughter. Her daughter, Sia was 3 years old when she suffered her first seizure. Aditi was distraught when she discovered Sia had epilepsy. The symptoms were brought under control by medications. When Sia was 5 years old, Aditi resumed work again. However, she faced a lot of problems adjusting back to work environment and her daughter became cranky as she was used to having her mother around all the time earlier.
This was when Aditi came to us at ePsyClinic, narrated her life story and sought help.
Is Aditi alone in her life struggles and periods of pain? No. There is an Aditi in each one of us, struggling through life, falling down and getting up again. Pain and hurt are a part of life and they strike again and again. What is important here is to get up after falling down and resuming the journey of life. Sometimes you can do it on your own, at other times, professional help is required.
At ePsyClinic, we serve to enhance your coping skills to work with the pain and hurt in your life. A psychologist will work with you to-
1) Take a detailed history of your current situation as well as significant life events
2) Assess your current coping strategies
3) Identify what is lacking or is dysfunctional about your present coping strategies
4) Help you to switch to more functional coping strategies
5) Help you make lifestyle changes
6) Help change your perspective of viewing things and encourage rational thinking
These are just a few of the general techniques that the psychologist will commence with you. Depending upon your unique life situation, there will be further additions to the counseling plan, implemented individually as your personal plan.
After 5 sessions with an ePsyClinic expert, Aditi has learned to take pain in her stride. She has learnt to balance her personal and professional life. She has renewed her social skills required by her profession which lay dormant for so long. She is being the best parent, wife and professional out there. She now has the skills necessary to overcome any stressful situation.
Like Aditi, we at ePsyClinic are here to help YOU transform pain into an opportunity for learning and strengthening your coping skills.
Book a session now to begin the journey.
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Want to reignite love in Marriage? These proven techniques can do the job!
24 Nov 2015
“We never hug or cuddle. I feel disconnected with my husband.” Says Anu who has been married for 10 years.
Abhay a Mumbai based banker feels “my wife feels uncomfortable when I try to snuggle up at night. I sometimes feel rejected like she does not love me”.
The prototype of a perfect relationship is that of a couple sitting cosy on a couch and watching television, holding hands and going for a walk or spooning while sleeping. Many times we tend to doubt our relationships when there is lack of physical affection and intimacy. Physical touch helps us to feel connected to our loved ones and the lack of it can sometimes make us feel unloved. Touch helps in generating positive emotions of love and also makes us feel more satisfied with our relationships. Tactile stimulation has a very important role in forming bonds in a couple, communicating emotions and also sexual arousal. Most couples report that physical affection makes them feel more secure in their relationships.
Boosting physical intimacy can help kindle the love in your relationship. Here are some ways to do it:
1. Cuddling: Cuddling is a prolonged embrace or a hug. Cuddling your loved ones can increase the levels of oxytocin, a hormone responsible for reducing stress levels and enhancing the feeling of well-being. Surely it can do wonders for a couple as it is a great way of communicating your affection in a non-verbal way.
Ways to initiate: If you wish to cuddle say it! If you feel shy about saying it, give direct cues. In today’s world with technology being the biggest barrier in intimacy. Couples feel that their partner is way too busy on social media to even acknowledge them. While your partner is busy checking out pictures you could sit close and rest your head on your partners shoulder. The point to take home here is; create and look for opportunities for physical intimacy.
2.Hugging: A study conducted in University of Vienna found that “hugging someone you care about can ease stress & anxiety, lower blood pressure and even boost memory"
Ways to initiate: A good bye hug makes your partner feel that they will be missed while they are away. Use a hug to say thank you or you appreciate your partner for what they have done for you. You will soon be reciprocated!
3.Kissing: It surely does help in spicing up things between couples. It has many other advantages too; it increases oxytocin and cortisol levels, the increase in saliva during kissing helps in killing bacteria and fights plaque deposits on your teeth.
Ways to initiate: You can start by telling your partner about how you feel about them and also maintaining an eye contact. This is a strong cue for them to know that what follows next. However timing this at an appropriate time is important!
4. Sleeping Postures: While spooning (While lying together, Husband cuddles the wife just like two spoons are kept together)
is often seen in most pictures showing a“happy couple” napping, there are many other sleeping postures that can instil the feeling of intimacy among couples. Sleeping postures tell a lot about a couple’s intimacy however just keeping your hand on your partner while sleeping can also make the two of you feel close and bonded.
Ways to initiate: You and your partner could experiment different ways in which there is physical intimacy. It is important that both of you are comfortable and see it as a pleasant experience. Talking, discussing and experimenting will surely help.
5. Sexual Intimacy: While this is a great way to enhance physical intimacy but not the only way. The act of love making can help in boosting immunity, promotes wellbeing and also the feeling of oneness in a couple.
Ways to initiate: Foreplay can be great way to initiate a sexual act. You could start with things that your partner likes and that you feel will get them aroused.
Any kind of loving touch is an important gesture in your relationship. It is what makes a romantic relationship what it is…..Special!
“Blow me a kiss from across the room…Touch my hair as you pass my chair, little things mean a lot.”—Kallen Kitty
If you wish to work upon your relationship positively, there are many other strategies that can be customised for you through discussions with you. At ePsyClinic.com, you will find India's finest Relationship, Emotional and Mental wellness experts and De-Addiction specialists.
Click the pink button and "Type Hi" to get Relationship Psychologist to get started.
Tags: #pain, #hurt, #life, #struggle, #unhappy