An open letter from me as a daughter in law to my mom in law.
28 Aug 2016
Dear mother in law, I know and understand that you were once in my position. You were once new, timid and shy girl too who left her manythings behind. Her family, her house, her room, her comfort zone came to this new setting, culture, people and environment.
May be you were not accepted. Probably, there were flaws in everything you did and invariably you were taunted about the same.
You may also have been constantly reminded of the things your mother could never teach you and you need to understand the traditions of where you were now.
I understand and can totally imagine how you may not have been able to visit your own parents without taking permission from your new parents and this must have caused you so much distress, hurt and pain.
Your sleep cycle, your food habits, you likes, dislikes and your favourite television program; all of this may have had to changed overnight.
I know how difficult things must have been for you and how alone, lonely and broken you may have felt majority of the times.
You must have been a strong, financially independent, working lady at the home you were brought up and educated. You must have been instilled with the ideas of equality and love and compassion.
You must have become an active decision maker as you grew up to be the self confident daddy’s girl that you were.
But at the same time, you may have been guided by your mother to learn to compromise and mutually come to make decisions in accordance with the husband and his family.
Where you also must have been surprised to know that now, suddenly, things have changed, tables have turned, you are no more that important, crucial member whose words got lost in the new atmosphere and behind the thick curtains of the simple label of “you are new, you will not understand”.
I know, things did not end there, you may have been told how you are trying to drift your husband away from his family and contributing time towards his mother.
A girl who had nothing left with her that was her own. A girl, who had nothing that belonged to her in the new place except the man she came for, except the man who made commitments and promises, except the man who instilled the faith in her that he will be by your side through thick and thin, no matter what.
That one last thing also, may have been just snatched away from you by passing such remarks.
Dear mother in law, years have passed, world has changed, women have come a long way to be more equal, more confident. I expected things to be different, I expected that having gone through this pain, you wouldn't repeat all this to me.But I am pained, hurt, depressed and sad as nothing changed, things only got worse, you did the same things my dear mother in law
and ....... ... Today, I am You!
Whether living with the in-laws or away, early marriage issues especially in many women, hurt because of differential treatment is a leading cause of Depression. We should make the transition before marriage and after marriage as smooth as possible for the emotional and mental health of the woman and also the couple health.
If you are struggling with discords, hurt and immense sadness because of changes after marriage, you must seek counseling for it now. It wil help you be happy again and also is necessary for your long term health.
Just Click the GREEN chat button and Type "MR" for instant counseling with a psychologist or know more about charges .
Generalised Anxiety Issues in Modern Indian women on a steady rise!
14 Jan 2016
One may say that in modern times, woman’s life has changed and society has progressed and accepted the modern approach regarding women. Women are much more independent and in control of themselves now. Is that really true or are we just looking at the cream on the top?
Let us do a reality check. 49,237 women face domestic violence in their marital homes. Every day 1 woman faces torture in her marital relationship every 11 minutes. Domestic violence constitutes 33.3% of the total crimes against women. A steep rise of 34.5% in domestic violence cases was witnessed between 1997-2002.
1 in every 2 women still faces domestic violence in any of its forms, be it physical, sexual, psychological and/or economic.
Woman's health is highly compromised because the average nutritional intake of woman is 1400 calories daily. The necessary requirement is approximately 2200 calories. Looks like we still have a long way to go.
Statistics apart, womankind is still struggling to find its place in the modern society. Needless to say, this incongruence is taking a toll on women mental health by and large.
In survey done by Reddy and Chandrashekhara, all neurotic disorders(mostly comprising of anxiety disorders) were significantly high among females (32.2%) while males counted upto 9.7%. in India and Nandi et al (1977, 1980) reported that women from an urban background were the worst affected in terms of anxiety and depression.
This high prevalence of anxiety and commonly generalized anxiety disorder may rise due to a lot of constant environmental factors:
1. Uncertainties about future,
2. Lack of independence work and home pressure,
3. Rising costs and unable to cope with the rising economy
4. Falling standard of living in terms of peace and security
5. Insecurity of aging parents,
6. Taking care of kids,
7. Pain in family life such as lack of support from husband, in laws or other family members
8. Expectations from family members which one is unable to fulfill
9. Feeling trapped in an unhappy marriage
10. A feeling of overall existential crisis (do you often find yourself asking, “What is my life worth exactly?”
Generalized anxiety disorder is a much simpler condition than it sounds. However, if unattended it may lead to much complicated and severe conditions. What looks like worrying over small things may lead to more severe psychological conditions like depression and even suicide. So, if you find yourself fretting too much, even over the simplest things, maybe you should act as soon as possible. Early help and invention might save you a lot of your and other’s time and energy and more importantly a lot of worrying. Participation of women in the workforce is only 13.9% in the urban sector and 29.9% in the rural sector.
Do you feel the following too?
Excessive, ongoing worry and tension
You yourself feel that you have an unrealistic view of problems
Restlessness or a feeling of being "edgy"
The need to go to the bathroom frequently
Trouble falling or staying asleep
Being easily startled
If you’re feeling most of the above symptoms over a considerably long time and you or you’re the people around you feel these are causing a negative impact personal and professional lives then you really need to think about it.
Take a free depression assessment here
The easiest route to checking your anxieties is getting professional help. Counselling and psychotherapies are extremely effective with these anxiety conditions. It only needs your effort, patience and time and it can save you a lifetime of worries and mental and physical pain.
How the counseling works?
It is a 3 step process:
1. Identifying your negative thoughts. Situations are usually perceived as more dangerous than they really are. You may feel and acknowledge that your thoughts are irrational, still identifying your own irrational, fearsome thoughts can be very difficult. You ask yourself what you were thinking when you started feeling anxious. Your therapist will help you with this step.
Challenging your negative thoughts. In the second step, your therapist will question you about the evidence for your frightening thoughts, analyzing unhelpful beliefs, and testing out the reality of negative predictions. Strategies for challenging negative thoughts can be, weighing the pros and cons of worrying or avoiding the thing you fear, and determining the realistic chances that what you’re anxious about will actually happen.
Replacing negative thoughts with realistic thoughts. Your therapist can help you come up with realistic, calming statements you can say to yourself when you’re facing or anticipating a situation that normally sends your anxiety levels soaring. Replace the negative thoughts with positive thoughts which are more accurate and positive.
A counselor or therapist guides and speeds up the above process and helps you make the best out of the present situation and helps in modifying it to suits your needs. Ultimately you get achieve mental wellbeing and happiness.
If you feel, you have been worrying too much and have been doing that for a really long time, do not spend more mental energy on these negative thoughts and take you first step towards your well being by contacting a counselor. Because that is the right thing to do
If as a woman you are struggling, you can get complete help Online from ePsyClinic’s Anxiety issues Psychologists and Experts.
Just Click the Pink Button on the left and “Type Hi” to Consult a Psychologist Instantly
To check the availabilty of all our doctors & psychologists for online consultation click here
To know more about ePsyClinic's e-Mental wellness specialty clinic. Click here
Take a free depression assessment here
Moms are prone to depression within a few years of giving birth!
17 Jan 2016
Ankita was blessed with a daughter a year back. While for her it was a much awaited baby but after the baby was born, things changed drastically in her life. She was always exhausted, irritable and would cry on small things.
She felt neglected by her husband as according to her his actions were enough to suggest that he wasn’t interested. While she tried to speak to him about his responsibilities as a father and as a husband and her own difficulties as a new mom they ended up fighting. What hurt her most was when her husband would say “you aren’t the only one in the world who has given birth to a baby”.
While she may not be the first one to undergo the difficulties faced by her, support from the spouse can surely make it easier. I am sure a lot of women can relate to this.
Motherhood is surely very overwhelming and does bring about a lot of changes in a couple’s life. While there is an added responsibility of child rearing, this is also a time when most of us struggle to climb the ladder in our professional life, finances are to be planned and household chores. It is that time in life when we feel the maximum chaos. While the working women feel that they are torn between their professional life and their home, homemakers feel wasted. Many women report of neglecting themselves. A typical scenario till you child turns 3 and starts school.
Amidst all the chaos we may not even know that there is a psychological issue that we might be facing. Here are some of them:
· Sleep disturbances
· Low self esteem
· Crying Spells
· Anger Outbursts
Factors responsible for the above symptoms are:
1. Lack of appreciation
2. Too many responsibilities and excessive work load both at home and at workplace
3. Perceived loneliness
4. Differences with partner and feeling of neglect
5. Professional stagnation
Here are some ways in which you can strike the right balance:
Plan your day: It is always best to plan for the day especially if you are a new mom or if your child is a toddler. Having a daily schedule really helps. This will help you accomplish whatever you wish to in a day and you wouldn’t be anxious ‘Oh when will I do this or that!’ You can have a designated time for each task in hand. This will make life easier not only at work but also at home.
Divide responsibilities in the house: You and your husband can divide responsibilities with regard to child rearing as well as house hold responsibilities. While one can take the child to the park, the other can help in feeding.
Keep your expectations from yourself achievable: Expectation of being ‘best mom’, ‘best wife’, ‘best employee’ can very pressurising. Do your best but keep those expectations low.
Take help: With toddlers at home, life can be very hectic. Keeping a domestic help is a good idea. You should take as much as help that you can get. Don’t shy away from that.
Enjoying the Phase: It is important we enjoy this phase while the kids are still growing and avoid looking back with regret. The regret though temporary fills us with guilt which is not healthy.
Spend some ‘Me time’: It is important to spend some time doing what you like, pursue a hobby or just pampering yourself.
Spend Quality Time with your Partner: Value time that you get with your partner. Enjoy each other’s company. Talk about things that you enjoy, discuss serious issue and laugh on silly jokes. Avoid talking about problems and people.
Keep yourself healthy and happy: Exercise on a daily basis. It not only keeps you fit but makes you feel confident about the way you look. Exercising helps in releasing the feel good hormones in your body. Keep a designated 45 minutes for a good vigorous work out. You and your partner can have the same fitness regime. This will give you an added opportunity to bond.
Take Professional Help: If you feel that you are unable to cope with your current life situation which is causing distress in your life. See a Psychologist or a Counselor who can assist you towards mental wellness.
While this is a phase which is exhausting and has numerous challenges, we should not forget to enjoy this time with our toddlers. They need to feel loved and wanted which has a positive impact on them. Embrace motherhood with a smile with love in your heart!
At ePsyClinic, the help is a click away! You dont have to live with being irritable and depressed!
Just Click the Pink Button on the left and “Type Hi” to get started for instant consultation
Take a free depression assessment here
To check the availabilty of all our doctors & psychologists for online consultation click here
About ePsyClinic: We are an Indian health company that is now Asia's largest Online Clinic for Mental, emotional, professional and pregnancy wellness. We have India's top psychiatrists, gynecologists on our panel along with most professionally trained psychologists. Our experts’ receive special training for an effective online management and treatment of various mental health, emotional health, pregnancy health and addiction issues.
Lets us Challenge the stigma for Depression & mental health...You and I can do it!
26 Feb 2016
What do you do when you get a fever or a stomach ache? First, you try to take care of it by yourself, some therapeutic home remedies maybe and if they still don’t go away, you see a medical professional.
That was about the physical problems. But when it comes to the mental problems, why don’t we do the same thing? When we are constantly experiencing mental pain, or depression, why do we wait and wait till we break down and things go out of hands.
Why do we feel that physical and mental pain are 2 different things? Well they are not. Your mental state requires as much care as your physical body does. In fact, if you do not have a fit mental state, you can’t have a fit body and vice versa.
If you are seeing a mental health professional and you are worried about people thinking that you are ‘mad’ or ‘crazy’, trust me, you are not crazy. Although, the people who think that way, might be.
And the biggest myth that needs to be busted immediately is that “ Counselling and psychotherapy is for people who are mentally unstable or crazy”. That is just not how it is.
Counselling and psychotherapy can be availed by a person who has nothing to do with abnormalities regarding mental health. It is like you don’t have any health issues but you go to the gym or do Yoga to be more fit. However, if you do have a physical problem, gym or Yoga still helps.
The same goes with psychotherapy and counseling. You don’t have to be out of your mind to avail them, you can get that for better mental well being and if you do have a problem, you will be helped again. If going to a gym or doing yoga to get a fit mind and fit body is normal, then why not psychotherapy and counseling?
Your mind is like a sponge floating on water. It is absorbent and it is light and floating . It will absorb the stress and other negative thoughts. It will start to become heavy and get more heavier with stress. At the end of it, it will sink to the bottom. Now if you keep squeezing the negativities out of it occasionally, it will never sink.
The squeezing part can be done by counseling and psychotherapy. So, the bottom line is the ultimate goal psychotherapy and counseling is not cure you but to make you healthier. It is a detox for your mind that you so well deserve.
And it has only helped people achieving great heights.
From J.K.Rowling, Queen Elizabeth II, Dwayne Johnson(The Rock), to Jennifer Aniston, they have all been helped by psychotherapy and they are of course what they are. Deepika Padukone and Anuskha Sharma have also been helped by mental health professionals. And if they chose this and was not ashamed of it then why are you!
Don’t you want your relationship to get better? Don’t you want the connection with your partner stronger? Don’t you want to get out of that terrible break up you had and move on? Don’t you want get your dream job and get out of your financial crisis? Don’t you want to make peace with your family and most importantly your in-laws? Don’t you want to have the perfect family condition with your husband and children? And are any of these questions not for a normal person?
And counseling and psychotherapy can help with answering every one of your questions. It is perfectly okay if you don’t have the answers for these but if you just keep soaking the stress up, that won’t be okay for sure. Working towards the betterment of yourself is nothing to be ashamed of.
Here at www.epsyclinic.com, the help & wellbeing is a step away.
Just Click the GREEN chat button & Type Hi to connect to a psychologist who can guide you instantly on the process of availing help at ePsyClinic.
Tags: #mother in law #daughterinlaw #husband #marriage