Marriage & unexpected changes: what to do?
27 Aug 2016
When something bad happens you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you or can let it strengthen you. Susan is a 26 year old young woman living in a metropolitan with her husband. She and her husband are financially independent and have known each other for 4 years.
Their courtship period was just like the movies and picture perfect. Every moment seemed like a ‘kodak moment’. There were never any hassles, every problem was sorted with a mutual decision and they always had good quality time to spend together.
For Susan, there never was a low moment in her life. They had fought together and convinced their families for this inter-caste marriage. Though, only 2 years after the marriage, Susan could start feeling the changes.
They had less and less time with each other. She could not remember the last time she and her husband sat down and had a meal together without a taunt. She could feel the burden of hunting a topic of discussion.
Suddenly, the unspoken rift started to become evident in both their lives and they got more involved in their laptops, phones and television sets rather than with each other.
There were often remarks with respect to customs and culture. Following certain rituals and avoiding the rest. Susan, for the so called love of her life could never even think of raising his voice while talking to her got the biggest shock of her life when her husband threatened to raise his hand on her.
Susan could now foresee. She could realise and understand that their marriage was not how she had imagined it to be. It was not even close to what she expected and dreamt of.
The dreams that she and her husband had woven together, as girlfriend and boyfriend remained an unfulfilled dream only. She could visualise that the relationship that once meant everything to her was now an albatross around her neck. She started feeling aloof, alone and depressed. She often found herself crying at night and losing her focus from her work.
The job that she used to love was becoming an added burden in her life. The boss, who could never stop praising her for her efficiency and dedication, had now promoted her colleague. She could sense severe mood swings and somehow just never felt happy about anything in her life. She realised that she started to gain a lot of weight and was often sleep deprived.
She observed that she now needed sleeping pills every alternate night to be able to fall asleep. And to her surprise, her husband could not notice these changes. He could not see that Susan had stopped smiling.
The man who never failed to make her laugh, today could not even see that Susan is feeling low. Signs and symptoms of depression started to show on Susan and there was nothing that she thought could do anymore.
There was nothing right in her life and there was no support either. Her husband was as busy as he could have been in his work life. For him, Susan could not manage the house as she always appeared tired.
His ignorance and negligence was making the situation go from bad to worse. She could not see anything good in her life. Everything brought back memories of betrayal, false promises and the commitments that her husband never lived up to. She started feeling used and started feeling that she was just a prop in his life.
Finally, after a prolonged thought and three sleepless nights, she decided to give up. She decided to not fight anymore. She decided to bring things that once gave her immense happiness to a dead halt. She decided to file for a divorce.
Her friend however made her think differently.
She asked her : Is this really what she seeked and desired? Is this the only possible solution left in her life? Can a loving partner change to an extent that there is no way out anymore?
May be not! Maybe there is a way out. Maybe, in this rut of earning money, having a well settled life and materialistic gains we can still find a way back to love and happiness.
Susan then approached us before taking the call to end her marriage.
At ePsyClinic we started couple therapy and found that her husband was as much in love. Just that he too,like her was feeling saddened. All the problems here were fueled from broken communication patterns.
The biggest communication problem is that we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply. It becomes crucial and important to build a healthy communication style and pattern.
A visible shift from blame game to empathy is important. Communication is the fuel that keeps the fore of your relationship burning. Without it, the relationship goes cold and dull.
As a couple, respect, fidelity, understanding and care are of utmost importance. We can work towards establishing the same and helping you find out ways to rekindle the joy of marriage.
Here, at epsyclinic, we can help you find that one path which has faded away. We can help you look at things from a different perspective. Basis of every happy relationship and companionship is communication.
“Your sadness, your anger will not solve the problem. More sadness, more frustration only brings more suffering for yourself. No matter how tragic the situation, we should not lose hope”
Thus, the overall aim of couples counseling is to help one Understand how external factors such as family values, religion, lifestyle and culture affect your relationship, Reflect on the past and how it operates in the present Communicate in a more constructive way. In certain situations, as counseling sessions progress, you and your partner may find a way of overcoming your problems, or you may decide it is time to part ways. Either way, counseling will offer you the space to grow and decide what you would like the future to hold for both of you.
Here At ePsyClinic.com, This Marital Counseling Process is available completely online and is done by India's best Marital Expert Psychologists.
Just Click the pink chat now button on bottom left and Type Hi to instantly connect with a psychologist who will guide you with the best therapy plan and process for you! Start Now
To check more about ePsyClinic, Click here
Tags: #distress #Depression #failed marriage #betrayal