False promises of a marriage for Sia
21 Aug 2016
Sia (Name Changed) wanted to have a job after studies, her parents told her to get married. Her fiancé and her would be in laws portrayed a picture of an independent life after marriage, much like her parents’ home, and then, the marriage happened.
On the first day of her new "job", Sia’s mother in law sighed about their selfless dedication and diligence towards the family, and commented on the self-centeredness of today’s women. Everyday Sia came back from office and prepared dinner, she could hear her mother in law lament to her husband because she has grown old and no one is there to take care of them. The first of the misunderstandings with her husband started. Her too liberal fiancé seemed to have changed into a typical male who expected his wife to take care of everything at home and not focus on her career. There went her job.
Since then, it was the kitchen and household chores for her all day. She had no one to help her. Nobody cared about her, or asked after her. She was not to go out and meet friends, not to talk on phone for long, or dress in anything else other than the traditional sari.
When the baby came, it added to her already long list of responsibilities. Her husband did not keep awake to change soiled diapers as he had promised. Her mother in law did not help her as much with the household chores as she had promised.
They all backed up from their promises. They criticized her food, commented of her housework, her opinion did not matter – Sia started to fade out. Gone was the smart confident girl who had hope and shine in her eyes, the mirror now reflected back a face with hollow eyes surrounded by dark circles.
Then one day, Sia snapped. She replied back to her mother in law’s criticisms, retorted to her husband’s taunts. She started irritable most of the time, got angry at the smallest of things. She scolded her 3 year old son for no reason.
It was then Sia felt something was wrong with her, and she came to us at ePsyClinic.com
Some points to remember:
1. Criticizing your partner is different than offering a critique or voicing a complaint. Critiques and complaints tend to be about specific issues, whereas criticism has to do with attacking your partner’s character and who they are. Don’t push her to the limit that she snaps.
2. The main problem with criticism is that it can pave the way for the worst of attitudes — contempt. Treating your partner with contempt is the single greatest predictor of divorce, and is by far the most destructive of the communication styles.
3. When you throw negative energy at another human being, you are hurting him or her, whether you realize it or not. You have the ability to interfere with another's self-esteem and self-worth, which changes who they are and how they perceive the world around them.
4. If you find you can do it better than your wife, just do it. There is no norm that men can’t take part in household work.
5. As much as you criticize, appreciate your partner equally. Only negative feedback destroys the motivation to be productive at all.
Treat women as you will like yourself to be treated. Equity and trust is the cornerstone of a happy marriage
If you are facing issues in marriage or adjustment issues, you can get complete help here at ePsyClinic.com through emotional and marriage wellbeing counseling.
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