As a Wife, I will be an outsider too living for myself first
19 Aug 2016
Anita (25) was well educated and was doing fairly well for herself when her parents got a suitable match for her. She was constantly told that she needs to get married. She met Vinay (30) many times before she got married and felt they were indeed made for each other. She had spoken clearly to him about her expectations regarding her career, her hobbies like dancing and her passion for outdoor sports. Vinay was more than willing to let her pursue whatever she wished and made her feel satisfied.
Six months post her marriage she felt cheated, as none of her expectations were met. There seemed to be a different Vinay she lived with, whose only concern was what she cooked and the housework she did. She felt out of place, a complete outsider. Anita was driven to a point where she felt that it was time to be on her own and set her own course.
Anita’s story does strike a chord with a lot of us who feel like complete outsider in our homes, with our in laws, in the society, at our work place…..Just because of the gender…because of being a woman!
Most parents today want good education and stable careers for their daughter’s. Not just so they are self reliant but that seems to be a pre-requisite to get a good match. From the very start they are told that you need to get a good groom and thus it is important to have achievements that match the description of being most eligible. Women are always treated as the “paraya dhan” which is under training to be the perfect wife once she is married off.
And once she is married off…
She is made to feel that her past training were of no use. She needs to make a lot of adjustments and needs way more learning to be perfect. It is not uncommon for us women to deal with some kind of dissatisfaction at some point of time or the other and we being the source of it. Many times there are crucial decisions that are made and women are treated as just bystanders in the room or maybe even outside the room.
Their opinions or view point is completely brushed aside. In many homes they are told “hamari family mai aisa nahi hota” (this does not happen in our family). What is she left thinking of her herself? Where does she belong?
One of the major reasons for the rise in the number of divorce cases in India is the feeling of being driven to a point where there is no sense of belonging. They have come to a point where all that matters is they themselves.
Women have gone past the fear of losing their loved ones as now they feel they were never loved. All efforts seem completely futile and unacknowledged….. it just seems pointless to do anymore. There seems to be no one who can be spoken to, who will support or who will be by your side. The only way ahead is to be by yourself and live for yourself!
But this comes with pain, everyone needs relationships and people to feel happy. So If you are a Women and feeling this way…..it is time you take professional help in order to deal with the disappointments that you feel which has left you emotionally drained.
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Inequality in Indian marriage
leads to mutiple emotional health issues
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Tags: #woman #outsider