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The chances of misunderstandings, hurt and separation are maximum in early years of marriage!

27 Jul 2016

Early days of marriage are mostly stormy for all individuals irrespective of the age at which they get married. While all this is very normal, what brings me to write this article for you is not concern that newly weds have to experience certain difficulties but the concern that this stormy period is often ending nowadays with a separation or divorce.

Every week I see atleast 4-5 new clients who come to me since they feel they are unable to adjust in their new marriage and either of the partner wants to “call off” the marriage. The average age of the couples being between 1 to 2 years.

 

Lakhs and crores of money, thousands of dreams, hundreds of relatives, 4-5 functions and innumerable days of planning- all that is done to celebrate the coming together of the couple goes down the drain in just 6-7 months?

 

Just Click the Green Chat Button on left and Type "MR" to isntantly connect with a psychologist to start the sessions or know more about the process of online marital therapy and the charges

 

The question always crosses my mind? What is happening?

A perfect example of such a couple was- Ayesha and Sarthak.

Ayesha was delicate looking young 22-year old girl who was in the final year of her masters, while Sarthak was 25-year old boy who had recently joined his father’s business. Ayesha's marriage dream was officially being able to spend the rest of  her life with guy who loved her with all he had. And her dreams started to look even more real when she met Sarthak. He was exactly the boy she wanted- good looking, intelligent and chivalrous.

Similar was the case on Sarthak’s side- she was everything he ever wanted. Thus, both got married. However soon after they got married, their bubble of a fairytale marriage began to burst. Ayesha almost always found herself sitting at home and spending time with Sarthak’s mother. Though she wasn’t expected to cook in the kitchen, but whenever guests were over she was expected to over look everything- cooking, cleaning etc. everything that she hadn’t done as a spinster in her home.

Adding to that Ayesha would keep waiting for Sarthak to come back home, who on the other hand was expected to spend longer hours at work since he was now married.

Within a month of their marriage, Ayesha and Sarthak began to feel the heat develop between them.  While Ayesha would want to spend more and more time with Sarthak, he was either at office or was perpetually too tired.

Adding to that Ayesha liked to go out with friends everyday, which was obviously not allowed since she was the “bahu” of the house! These differences which though on the outset looked very small, began to take Sarthak and Ayesha apart.

Small arguments led to fights which further led to a no communication period between both of them. Things just began to go downhill to a point where they were almost at the verge of separation.

Sarthak and Ayesha are just one of the many few people who experience difficulties in the early days of their marriage.  

Some of the common issues that arise between young couples are-

1. Lack of Understanding: Couples may not be able to develop a completeunderstanding the other partner’s perspective and understand that he/she too is going through the same changes as the person themselves are. Hence, they tend to judge their partners a little to soon leading to conflicts and misunderstandings.

2. Financial Troubles: Before marriage we are all use to spending on ourselves, or at our families at the max. However, marriage brings with it complete responsibility of another person or in some cases a new household as well! Thus,financial difficulties are one of the most common issues a young couple battles with.

3.  Identity Crisis: Adolescence is known for one being confused about their identity and early adulthood comes with one beginning to understand their worth. However, when suddenly new relationships are formed one may again become confused about their true identity and become too engrossed in their new roles of a “wife”, “mother” etc.

4. Feeling of getting restricted: No matter how open one’s family is, marriage certainly comes with adjustments and some amount of restrictions. A young individualwho is use to his/her independence, may begin to feel restricted post marriage, when they have to adjust themselves with a partner and a new family. New relationships bring with them some amount of responsibilities, which may evoke feelings of getting trapped in an individual.

5.      Mismatch of Expectations: Younger individuals have different concepts of marriage, most of which that comes from either movies or romantic novels. Thus, when these people actually get married it may be like a mismatch of expectations for them, leading to disappointment and frustration.

 

While I have stressed on the hurdles one experiences during the beginning years of marriage, like every situation, this situation too has a flipside indicating that all couples may not have to experience all the troubles. Thus, what brings about the difference is how prepared one is and how well one deals with the hurdles in life.

During my career I have seen many young couples blossom into happier and mature partners with the help of counseling. Counseling can help a young couple in the following ways:

· Orienting the couple about the potential troubles

· Helping both the partners understand each other better

· Understanding each other’s coping mechanism

· Accommodating oneself with the change in their life

· Helping one identify themselves and defining the clear roles in marriage.

If you are feeling that you too are experiencing any of the above mentioned issues, consider seeking counseling at the onset of the differences before the gap between you and your partner increases and leads to unsurmountable challenges. 

If you see your marriage on the rocks, do not wait.  Time may only increase the distance, Instead seek help now!

Online Marriage Therapy at ePsyClinic can even be successful in cases where one partner is willing for therapy and the other is not.

 

Just Click the Green Chat Button on left and Type "MR" to isntantly connect with a psychologist to start the sessions or know more about the process of online marital therapy and the charges

 

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Tags: #epsyclinic #couple counseling #MARRIAGE