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He Talks Hot To Me On Call And Chat But In Bed…

08 Jul 2016

 Do you know what the worst feeling in the world for a woman is? The feeling that her husband is not attracted to her any more.

I had just gotten over with the household chores, when I got a message from my husband, Mihir.

“Coming home soon. Can’t wait (smiley with a wink).”

I blushed and decided to put on some nice clothes for him. I was excited for him to come home.

Two months ago, I would not have had the same reaction to his similar texts. I was almost on the verge of depression due to the issues in our relationship.

Do you know what the worst feeling in the world for a woman is? The feeling that her husband is not attracted to her any more. We have been fed with this idea that men always want sex. That is always the top feeling on their mind. After a marriage a husband is always supposed to want sex and while the woman coyly blushes and makes up excuses. Well that was my idea too. And it was that same idea that led me to depression.

No don’t get me wrong, Mihir is an extremely loving husband. He has given me all the comforts that I could ask for. But his work had taken away the spark in our marriage. We own a retail shop and Mihir has put his sweat, tears and money into it. The shop is his focus from the minute he gets up to the moment he crashes n the bed. So even though he was extremely flirty and to be honest, quite hot while we chatted on sms or calls, when it came down to actually doing the deed, we were far from the ideal picture.

He used to come home late and always tired. Even when sometimes we managed to make love, which used to happen mostly on my initiative, I hardly ever reached the satisfaction point. And we used to be quite wild in our love making in the initial days of our marriage. But then responsibilities took over Mihir’s mind, and the spark fizzled.

I used to get frustrated, angry, hurt and used to demand an explanation from him as to why he did not feel excited to have sex with me anymore. And all I used to get was “I am really tired.”

All these expectations were driving me crazy. Not only was I unsatisfied in bed, but I also started feeling unattractive and unwanted by him.

Talking to him did not help because he did not find anything wrong in our relationship. And also I feel that the issue of not able to make me orgasm was a sore spot for his masculinity. That’s why he even began to avoid the discussions, and started coming home even later and later.

Finally when I was at my breakdown point, I dragged him to a therapist to talk about our issues. In my individual sessions, she made me realise how all the issues were stemming from expectations that may have built up in my mind from societal conditioning. She corrected my thought process about men always wanting sex. It is not true she said. Men are just as vulnerable, just as comfort seeking as women when it comes to the matters in bedroom.

To him she gently explained how I was feeling unattractive and unloved because of his lack of interest in having sex.

The sessions helped us change our views about sex. I began understanding his need and instead of blaming him or feeling unwanted, we both started building up on our romance outside the bedroom. It did not take much time for it to reach inside too.

It was not a drastic change but a slow work in progress. We have begun to understand each other’s needs much better now. And now when he messages that he can’t wait to see me, I believe it because I know he means it and definitely wants to deliver.

I wanted to share my story because I want couples to understand that sex is so much more and so different to both the partners at various times. We have to get out of pre conceived notions about it and work out our own equation according to our needs. But also it being such a sensitive issue for both the genders, talking about it openly without hurting the other person in the process is sometimes not possible. If you are having any issues regarding it, then please talk to some professional instead of letting it fester and in turn letting it seep in on other issues. 

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Tags: #child #care #mother #father