Can differences come between couples because of in-laws?
04 Jun 2016
Day in and day out I see cases where the relationships are on the verge of a break up not because of the couple incompatibility but due to external forces. It pains to see that how two people who once upon a time loved each other immensely, begin to drift apart due to misunderstandings caused by others.
One of the most common "external forces" impacting the couple is the "mother-in-law", typically referred to the Boy's mother. Especially in the Indian households, the mother-In-law- daughter in law conflict is fairly common. Movies, daily soaps, commercials all have covered the subject very well.
But, sit back and think is it fair to break or even let your own relationship suffer due to someone else?
Samira and Jai have been married for 4 years now. Their families chose them for each other and after a courtship period of 5 months, both got married in a traditional big fat wedding manner. Friends and family from all over the world had come to join them in their celebrations. While Samira and Jai where very happy with each other and their decision to get married, their expectations from the relationship only grew would time. Samira was a typical Indian bride every boy of today's generation would want- beautiful, smart, polite, educated, sorted and independent, and so was Jai- handsome, well settled, polite, understandings and caring. People called them a match made in heaven! But unfortunately this didn't last too long. While they were very happy with each other, Samira didn't get too well with Jai's mother .Jai tried for about 2-3 years to make things work but unfortunately something went missing always and both his mother and Samira would misunderstand each other. Jai every night upon coming back from home would see his mothers anger and Samira's tears and vice versa.
People often say "things will get better" but sadly in their case things only got worse. Constant complains and blaming led to a very negative environment at home.
Jai then tried to stay away as late as possible, which further created disturbances between the couple. All this leading to a point where both post 4 years of marriage approached me since both had been contemplating divorce!
As it is common with most couples with a similar issue, the quarrels between Samira and her mother in law had a ripple effect causing disturbances and distances between Jai and Samira.
Some of the common reasons for why issues with your mother-in-law may come between your marriage-
1. Conflicts often create a negative environment at home which may act as a deterrent and reduce your partners will to come back home in time.
2. Arguments and Disagreement tend to ruin your mood which may be reflected with your partner as well
3. Often anger doesn't stop with its expression towards one person. Hence either the daughter in law or the mother in law may take out their Anger in the husband/ son.
4. Husband loses his cool and doesn't have the knowledge to create harmony back in the family.
5. Constant dissatisfaction may reduce both partner's motivation eventually to work on the marriage
While there are many more reasons for why your issues with your in laws may come between your marriage, the above mentioned are the most common ones.
Hence, it is very important to be more aware of your actions and make sure that your relationship is not suffering because of your parents/inlaws
Some of the tips which may help you are-
1. Always avoid keeping someone else but both of you as centre of your relationship
2. Appreciate each other whenever possible
3. Avoid talking about his side of the family to him and vice versa
4. Spend alone time together as a couple
5. If someone is bothering you about your family/your in-laws and your spouse, talk without conflict. Talk on facts and have a heart to heart discussion minus the insults and complaining.
If you still feel you are unable to segregate your relationship with your in laws/parents and husband/wife and can feel the distance build up, you must consult a professional psychologist.
At ePsyClinic we can help you rebuild your relationship with your partner via the process of Online Relationship Counseling. Upon completion of Counseling sessions you can expect:
- better understanding
- conflict management
- rebuilding the relationship
- better family relations
- rekindling the love
If you see your marriage on the rocks, do not wait. Time may only increase the distance, Instead seek help now!
Online Marriage Therapy at ePsyClinic can even be successful in cases where one partner is willing for therapy and the other is not.
Just Click the GREEN Chat Button on left and
Type "MR" to isntantly connect with a psychologist
Tags: #inlaws #discord