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Is being a wife,the only goal for a woman? Are men expected to be just husbands and not sons and professionals and brothers and friends?:

27 Apr 2016

I was watching a TV serial 2 days ago and heard the same thing that most people tell a married girl.

“Keep your in laws happy” As a married woman, you are a good wife and a daughter in law only if you can keep them happy. Sadly it’s a task which is impossible to achieve, leading to a path of frustration, anxiety and often depression.

Other than the expectation, a lot changes for a woman with regards to what she should do and which relations should be important to her.

She is always expected to choose demands of her husband and inlaws over the needs of her self and her family. This is a set expectation without any exception.

A wife has to seek permission from her mother in law even to go to her mom’s place while the husband can make his plan impromptu and need not inform anyone. 

She is expected to adjust to her new family's likes and routines while she is frowned upon if she tries to get some extra sleep on a weekend.

She has to work around her house routine and career aspirations irrespective of earning the same as her husband and contributing to the house.

If she is seen talking to her mother more than once a day,it’s assumed that she tells every detail of her inlaws to her parents. On the other hand if her husband doesn’t even move an inch unless his mother approves; it is viewed as respect for parents.


A wife seizes to be a friend, employee or a daughter. She is first a daughter-in-law and a wife.

Unfortunately, from a very young age women are tuned in to believe that their independence is short lived.

Due to this very often women are unable to see the root cause of their anger, frustration, irritation and anxiety.

Has anybody seen more blatant form of sexism? She can be so much more, do much more, she can be a social worker, an entrepreneur, and she has a life outside of being a wife.

Why we as a society find it so difficult to treat “wife” as a human who has her own set of beliefs, likes, dislikes, aspirations or even basic needs.

Why does her life and every aspect of it, has to change post marriage while that of her husband doesn’t?


This difference in treatment and mere expectation leads to a lot of mental and emotional problems in married women, Including: 

·Lowering of self-esteem and self-respect:Constant criticism and compromise expected from women leads them to believe they are not good for anything.

·Anxiety: Pressure to multitask and do it right as per the rules of the new family, always keeps married women in stress, leading to anxiety disorders.

A role of a wife is an important one but it is not the only one. She is a daughter still and a human too with her aspirations. Isn't She?

While a lot of people talk correctly about how a man should live with his parents and he definitely must, its important!

But then why are not people talking about a daughter's right to live/talk/meet and take care for her parents? 

This is the central question we need to answer. Discords in marriages occur because of systemic inequality. 

we at can help you in being a complete family and getting past the discord in marriage. 

Just use the green chat button and Type "Counseling" to connect instantly with a psychologist and know more about process and charges



Depression in Women: Could that unexplained headache be Depression?

30 Dec 2015


Dipti, a homemaker and mother of two kids was a good cook and managed her house to perfection, much to an outsider’s envy until one day she started experiencing sudden severe headache and backache.

These rendered her incapable of carrying out household chores to the extent she did earlier. Alarmed, her husband took her to a physician who prescribed one test after another only to find no conclusive results. He declared there was nothing wrong with Dipti. However, she continued to complain of body aches and headaches, the kids started to get neglected and their studies suffered. Further, there was financial pressure on her husband to hire a maid as Dipti could no longer carry out all the household chores by herself. She started remaining aloof and also had trouble sleeping at night. Frustrated with the added pressure and her constant complains, her husband accused her of faking it in order to avoid doing work. Her in-laws added fuel to the fire citing it was all a drama. This further led to Dipti’s downfall and her apetite significantly reduced. Two months down the line, she weighed 6kgs lighter and her self-care decreased. She used to lie on the bed for hours and hardly interacted with anyone. Now concerned, her husband took her to the physician who referred Dipti to a psychiatrist. At the psychiatrist’s office, after detailed history taking, Dipti was diagnosed to be suffering from depression and the psychiatrist pointed out that the unexplained body aches were a symptom of depression itself. She was started on medications and therapy and soon recovered.

Depression is the most prevalent mental disorder and seen in 3 of every 100 people in urban areas like Delhi and Mumbai. Depression affects 10% of the population with one in 4 women and one in 10 men suffering from this disorder at some time in their lifetime. It is more common in women with their being twice as likely to develop depression as compared to men.

Depression in women differs from that in men. It may occur earlier in women, last longer and is more likely to recur and be associated with stressful life events, and be more sensitive to seasonal changes. They are more likely to experience guilty feelings and attempt suicide. They also tend to blame themselves and feel anxious and scared.

The increase of a chance of depression in women is due to several reproductive, genetic, biological factors; interpersonal factors (relationship stress, separation or divorce, loss of a job);societal factors and certain personality characteristics (poor coping skills). Women these days juggle both work and home, raising kids as well and hence suffer more stress which may in turn trigger symptoms of depression.

When one talks about depression, a sad frowning face comes to mind. But depression is more than just that. Vague aches and pain are often the presenting complaints of depression. These include chronic joint pain, limb pain, back pain, gastrointestinal problems, tiredness, sleep disturbances, psychomotor activity changes, and appetite changes. Especially in women, a higher prevalence of depression is seen to be coupled with a higher prevalence of pain complaints.

Depression and physical pain are closely related on multiple levels. Certain genes lead to both depression as well as chronic pain. Research also indicates that the presence of depression increases the experience of pain. The body mechanisms in these disorders overlap significantly in terms of areas involved in the perception of pain. Several other factors predispose people to both chronic pain and depression. These may be stressful events or even other chronic physical diseases.

Depression has been seen to be closely associated with migraines. Over a two year period, a study found that a patient with history of major depression was three times more likely to have a migraine attack and a person with history of migraine was five times more likely to have a first episode of depression. Depression contributes greatly to the disability caused by headache and backaches. More than 50% of patients with depression who visit general practitioners complain only of physical symptoms and in most cases, these symptoms include pain. If physicians test all pain patients for depression, they might discover 60% of currently undetected depression.

If someone already suffers from back pain, it may get worse if they become depressed. Also, depressed women are four times more likely to develop neck and lower back pain than those who are not depressed. Depression can also make muscle and joints pain even worse. Chest pain has also been seen to be associated with depression.

Take a free depression assessment here 

Pain slows recovery from depression and depression makes pain more difficult to treat. Depression leads to isolation and isolation leads to further depression. When depression is treated, pain goes away.

Women with chronic pain often report that pain interferes with their ability to engage in occupational, social, romantic, or recreational activities. Their inability to engage in these reinforcing activities may contribute to increased isolation, feelings of worthlessness, and depressed mood.  In addition, conditions such as anxiety, substance abuse, and personality disorders occur at a greater rate in individuals who have a chronic pain condition than in individuals who do not. Further, women suffering from depression and pain report more intense pain, less control of their lives and more unhealthy coping strategies.

Treatment for pain includes medication and physiotherapy. Also, psychotherapists employ cognitive and behavioral technique to teach patients how to avoid fearful anticipation, banish discouraging thoughts, and adjust everyday routines to ward off physical and emotional suffering along with working on the thoughts and behaviors that maintain depression. Other techniques that a psychotherapist may employ are progressive muscle relaxation and hypnosis.

Chronic pain is not to be taken lightly and one must consult a psychiatrist at the earliest.Depression is a difficult & debilitatng diesease to live with. Both depression and chronic pain are treatable but the earlier the diagnosis, the earlier is the recovery.



Take a free depression assessment here 


About ePsyClinic: We are an Indian health company that is now Asia's largest Online Clinic for Mental, emotional, professional and pregnancy wellness. We have India's top psychiatrists, gynecologists on our panel along with most professionally trained psychologists. Our experts’ receive special training for an effective online management and treatment of various mental health, emotional health, pregnancy health and addiction issues.





Tags: #wife #inequality #societal