An open letter to my husband : From a broken wife
18 Apr 2016
I wish I would have never felt the need to write to you. Today, I have a strong need and urgency to write to you. I have to let you know how I feel about you and us. It’s been 3years of my marriage. I did not realise that I had started to see myself from your angle. A critical angle.
I always felt like I am being treated secondary. My needs, my opinions, views, even a need to eat now did not matter to you. I was hurt when the first time I ate dinner and didn’t wait for you, and you hurled abuses at me. I was hurt that it never mattered to you that being a good wife has nothing to do with, not waiting for dinner. It also pains me to see that there are different standards of behaviour and rules for you as a “husband”.
Last night I was told by you, that I don’t have any sense and that I lack manners. What was my mistake? Yes I called you 3 times. What about the fact that I was waiting for you at the theatre from 8pm to 8.40pm and you did not even bother to call me and inform that you would be late. I was told that what’s a big deal if I “wife” have to wait a little longer. I was also made to feel that my time is of no worth because all I have to do is take care of the house while you have many important things to do including earn money. It was a favour that you showed up for a movie and I should appreciate that and not crib about you being late.
This is not the first time that you have put me down for being a woman and a wife. I cannot accept this kind of a behaviour any more. I need you to understand that I need to be respected for who I am and I will not do things for you just because I am a “wife”. I am very proud of who I am. Your putting me down constantly,cannot break my confidence in myself. I chose to be your wife and I choose to be treated respectfully and with equality in this relationship.
I would not want to wait for dinner to prove how much of wife duty I do even if you come home at 11:30 pm. I am not going to be serving you breakfast hot every morning if you don’t appreciate the effort that goes in making a new thing every day just to please you. I don’t want to feel guilty for sleeping 30 mins more and missing the morning wake up alarm set by you; while you enjoy 2 hrs of sleep more than me just because you are a husband.
If you want to be in this relationship, I choose to be here on my terms and not yours. Unless, I am treated with respect and equality in this relation, I choose not to make any other compromise.
I love you but I also love myself.
Disclaimer: Sakina is our client here at ePsyClinic.com and when she first opted for online therapy, she was battling moderate depression. Now she is doing fine and got the courage to share her feelings with her husband but also with other men and women..
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