5 reasons for bitter discord between wife and husband!
11 Apr 2016
Though there are many reasons that can cause discord, some issues can really throw marriages off balance and sometimes even at the verge of separation. It’s important that we look at these issues:
It’s always difficult to for both the in laws and the wife to adjust into this new relation. Various factors like different upbringing, values and way of living. Here a lot has to do with what expectations in-laws have from the daughter in law. The role change and a need to please in laws always creates imbalance in relations. A lack of a mediator who can balance people coming from two different environments into a comfortable space, leads to frustration, misunderstanding and poor relationship.
We at ePsyclinic.com have helped many families gain a balance and mutually loving relation. Aruna who was born in a Bengali family had got married in a North Indian family. She had a lot of issues adjusting and this was reflecting badly on her mental health. We helped her at 1st to see where these adjustment problems were coming from. They were in part due to her lack of assertiveness and partly due to different culture. After she had a realisation that her mother in law was not rude or enforcing but she was unlike what she had expected her to be, and this difference was due to cultural factors, Aruna was better able to manage her relation. Post this assertive training helped her to voice her opinion in a polite and humble manner yet with confidence. These small changes brought about a long lasting positive change in Aruna’s marriage.
Emotional Abuse and negligence
Emotional Abuse and neglect in marriage is more insidious then physical or verbal abuse. Neglected wife carry the burden of resentment for a long time. Very often they feel confused about why they have feelings of anger since the ideal feeling should be that of “worthlessness” or not being as good as the other partner.
Such was a case of Raj, who had married Smita who was more outgoing then him. Raj was relatively shy and came from a humble background. He was a self-made man. Until he married Smita he always felt sure of himself. But things started changing suddenly. Smita was more outgoing and dynamic; a different personality then him. Unknowingly on a number of instance Smita had made Raj feel that he was not as good as others in his communication, personality or way of interacting as other men.
When Raj came to us, he was unaware of what was causing him anger towards Smita. Post realisation we helped Raj to be sure of his own self image and love it. We also taught him how to communicate with Smita about his hurtful feelings and bring about a better communication.
Smita and Raj are more content couple.
Differences over how important a career should be between husband and wife
Different aspirations and career needs often lead couples to a path of dispute. The partner who is chasing the career feels not being understood for his/her aspiration while the other feels neglected. This conflict generally leads to ego battle and couple being disrespectable towards one another.
Physical attraction is a very important element in a marriage. A lot of couple have difficulty managing the physical relations.
Rohan and Smita were married for 6months and were unable to have physical relations due to various issues. Rohan was going through performance anxiety... he had no physical issue but was anxious about his sexual performance. His wife was growing dissatisfied. The couple would argue often and this difference was entering every aspect of life.
Anu and Raj were another couple with intimacy issues. They were married for 7year and the physical attraction was diminishing. Raj was making attempts to reignite their sex life but he felt that Anu was not cooperating. She did not like to experiment in sex and this was causing a lot of stir.
V. Issues over prioritising and having personal space in relation
Most couples have differences over how they want to spend their time with managing personal time and time for relation. This is one area where major conflict occurs in most couples.
It’s very important that the couple come to an amicable solution for how they want to balance time between their me time and time for each other. Very often a counsellor like us will help them understand each other’s needs. Most often couple want to seek out acceptance of each other from their spouse leaving them vulnerable to problems.
Effect of couple discord:
Depression: extreme stress in relationships over a long time leads to depression and feeling of isolation.
Anxiety: stress also leaves one watch full over every behaviour and anxious at every step.
Stress at work: discord in marriage leaves couple dissatisfied with each other which reflects on work too. This further strains the individual.
Physical ailments like somatic complaints are very common when the stress of problems in couple continues for long time.
Inability to carry daily activities with ease and accuracy.
Couples who have marital discord even over small issues should attempt to ease them out as early as possible before the problems lead them to a problem of separation.
If you feel you are not able to deal with your marital problems and they are compounding to bigger issues, do reach out to us here at ePsyClinic.com
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Tags: #marriage #fights #therapy #epsyclinic