If in your marriage , there is discord & unhappiness, This will help!
06 Apr 2016
Marriage is an integral part of our lives. Technically, it’s a life-changing event that most of go through, yet one cant define marriage as one single event! The process of adjusting to each other indeed takes a long time and to some may be even a lifetime.
These maladjustments act out in a number of forms such as from arguments, to fights, to abusiveness and in some cases partners even resort to violence.
While some amount of maladjustments and thereby arguments which follow them are normal, the concern arises when this becomes a pattern. Often couples report, that from entering into a relationship which will bring them companionship, love and care, they reach a point in their relationship wherein the site of the partner also bothers them.
Abhay and Rohini were one such couple. After dating each other for 2 years, they finally took the big step of getting married. But, little did they know that how their lives would change after marriage. From being a couple who loved each other immensely, they started feeling a distance between them from within one month of tying the knot. How small arguments on petty issues such as coming home 30 mins late, eating wrong food etc. led to major distances, was incomprehendable for both. Initally every time they would fight, they slept facing away from each other and the fight would eventually resolve in 4-5 days. However, this kept increasing and now when they have been married for 7 years they have reached a point where in one small argument extends upto 3-4 months. When Abhay and Rohini came for counseling they both said one thing “ we want peace”. Their relationship had reached a point wherein apart from impacting the chemistry between them, their relationship had started taking a toll on their personal health too.
While Abhay complained of:
Poor concentration at work
Rohini complained of:
Getting anxious too easily
Frequent crying outbursts
Poor sleep, as well as headaches.
Their lives were on an all time low. From being two happy individuals in a relationship, they had become two people who are waiting for the day to pass each morning.
We began our therapy initially with Abhay, since it was him who wanted to seek help for his poor performance at work, but slowly Rohini too agreed to be a part of it. It took me around 3-4 individual sessions, post which I decided to bring both Abhay and Rohini together for a joint session. During my individual sessions with both I realized that they did indeed love each other, but had entered a negative spiral in their relationship from where they were unclear as to how to come out. I also realized that while their poor relationship was impacting their personal lives, their condition in their personal lives too was further impacting the relationship making it a vicious cycle. While Abhay would always be angry post a bad day at work, Rohini would always be in a sad and low mood.
The initial individual sessions helped me make them understand their patterns and realize that how they too were contributing to their relationship not being the best. Hence, by the time they both came for the joint session, they were fairly calm and were in a place where they were thinking more rationally and less from hurt. Our sessions progressed in a similar fashion, wherein post every joint session I met them both for an individual session. While there were times when I would see Abhay twice at a stretch for individual sessions or sometimes Rohini for two individual sessions in a week, by the end of 1 month we reached a point wherein both of them were atleast comfortable talking to each other. Sessions progressed and post continuous therapy for 3 months they have now reached a point where in their relationship has reached a level where it was when they were dating.
Today, both go to work together and comeback together, are excelling at their respective work places and have started expressing their love and care for each other like they never had.
It took precisely 3 months for Abhay, Rohini and me to rework on their 7-year old marriage, with all that was needed from them was solely the commitment.
If you too feel your relationship has reached a point wherein your partner has started effecting you negatively, and the relationship has started to have a constant effect on you, don’t wait and seek help. There’s always a solution for everything. Miracles do happen in real provided you give them a platform.
Can your relationship succeed like Abhay and Rohini?
Yes it certainly can! All that is needed from you is the Commitment towards therapy. A therapy is an ideal situation for a couple in crisis, since Therapist always ensures neutrality and ensures that the needs of both the partners are met without a bias towards any party.
Considering a Marriage Therapist is an individual who is not emotionally connected to either of the partner, there is equal consideration given to both the partners in the relationship.
Online Marital Therapy Process at ePsyClinic.com
-Individual Therapy Sessions with both partner
- Joint Sessions wherein the couple:
Addresses and Brings a closure to the Past Issues
Spells out Expectations, wherein each partner shares their views on how much and how can they fulfill their partners expectations and to what extent.
Seek Coaching on their Communication Skills
Observe own and partners patterns and discuss on ways to adjust with each others patterns
Comes to a consensus on how would they Like their Married Life to be
Decide Rules of their marriage
Learn to Appreciate each other
Decides rules of Engagement and Communication with both sides of the families
Decides rules on Children and divide their responsibility
Each partner defines clearly the Responsibility structure at home
Functional Aspects such as finances, household chores etc are clearly defined and structured.
If you see your marriage on the rocks, do not wait. Time may only increase the distance, Instead seek help now!
ePsyClinic's Marriage Therapy can even be successful in cases where one partner is willing for therapy and the other is not.
If you are facing discord in marriage or unhappy marriage, please do not ignore.
Just Click the pink chat button on bottom left and Type "MR" to connect instantly with a psychologist to book or start Marital wellness sessions and know more about the charges.
Tags: #marriage #fights #therapy #epsyclinic