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Your patience & adaptability as a parent is the key to your child's success

01 Apr 2016

Shefali was a pro at dancing even when she was 3 years old. She won many contests and hearts with her dancing skills when someone suggested that she should get trained and hone her skills and participate in the reality shows and contests. This when her parents started seeing it as her career. 
Shefali’s natural talent may have taken her a long way, but her parents hired a professional dance coach and began pushing her to compete, leaving shefali feeling so pressured that her interest waned. There was no time for leisure and she wasn’t “supposed” to get cranky about dancing…after all she liked it. By the time shefali reached her 10th year she announced that she would give up dancing leaving her parents : “How can you throw away such a promising talent?” they railed at her– all to no avail.
As parents, we are obsessed with raising the perfect child. The child should be well disciplined, should excel at studies , should win many accolades for extra curricular activities and yes…should be a happy child too. In our eagerness to ‘produce’ our children, we don’t realise that all we’re doing is fulfilling our own ego. We think we’re doing what’s best for our children, but it’s our ego that gets in the way of truly meeting their needs. Infact we don’t allow them to be children any more. Our anxieties are turning them into miniature adults where they r to be behaving in a controlled way all the time…almost resembling Robots.
The spontaneous laughter or  the curiosity of child today is all missing due to an immense pressure of competing in the “my child s perfect” race.So what are the key factors in raising a grounded child? Countless parents complain about their children’s weaknesses, and I find most do so because their children’s limitations evoke anxiety in them. It may make them feel as a failure in some way or its connected to their own resolved conflicts form their childhood. 
One way to raise a child as a “free spirited child”  is that we need to recognise each child as their own person. It’s through this realisation of their separateness and individuality that we are given an opportunity to challenge ourselves to grow.  Only when children are allowed to express and react naturally in everyday situations would the learning for important social and life skills happen. 
By meeting both our needs and those of our children, parenting becomes a partnership in which our children teach us as much about ourselves as we teach them about themselves. In this much healthier relationship, our children are no longer our possessions or extensions, and they flourish as their own person.
Through our children, we have an opportunity to see how attached we are to status, image, material success, competition and power, and are brought face to face with how controlling, insecure and anxious we are. This then gives you an opportunity to work on your own insecurities and work on The task of changing ourselves to best meet our children's needs instead of moulding them to meet ours is very tough. We have to shift away from the usual controlling way we go about parenting and realise it’s the relationship we have with our children that’s key. Also the best way a child learn is through modelling we model the appropriate behaviour and also let the child be “imperfect” or “inappropriate” for only then they learn the consequences of their moodiness or inappropriateness and would want to improve.
How we tune into our children’s needs as individuals – whether we notice their feelings and the degree to which we connect with their interests – ultimately determines how well-adjusted they’ll grow up to be. When our children grow up connected to their own needs, they quite naturally connect to the needs of others. This paves the way for a truly fulfilling life for every child, as well as a wonderful and enduring parent-child relationship.
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Tags: #parenting #child #counseling