For a wife her relationship with husband is most important. Is it the same for the man?
31 Mar 2016
Men and women differ from each other in a number of ways when we talk about their psychology.
When we talk about marital relations, 3 things differ in men and women
1. Expression of commitment
2. Expectation of time that a relationship needs is very different in men and women
3. Women due to societal conditioning find it difficult to see their life beyond marriage
In most cases, both partners love each other tremendously Men just have different expectations and expressions and women find it difficult to enjoy alone after marriage. Each partner has to look into their relations and analyse where the pain is coming from and what they need to do a change.
Just click the Green chat button and type your message to connect instantly with a Marital wellness psychologist and know more about process and fees for relationship counseling.
Rahul and Rashmi (Names Changed and Story shared with their consent*) were married for 1.5yrs. Theirs was a love marriage and the couple were committed to their careers with the same enthusiasm. After around 9months small problems started to distant the couple. They found it difficult to communicate with one another without being irritated or angry. Both were going through the same feeling “my partner doesn’t understand me”. They were fighting and unhappy!
Rahul worked in a Retail company as a Marketing Manager. He had many friends and hobbies like cricket, photography and tracking. He loved his wife THE MOST and saw her as a best life partner. One area that the couple differed the most was on commitment to time and need for personal space. This is one area where Rahul and Rashmi were poles apart like most couples.
To Rahul there was a need for his boy’s night out, need to continue playing cricket every single weekend.
He was passionate about photography so in every holiday destination he was more keen to click every single site multiple times until he was satisfied. It felt to Rashmi that he travelled to get clicks and not to be with her.
Before marriage these passions of Rahul had amused and awed Rashmi the most. And now they were bugging her.
Rashmi was an IT engineer and had a demanding job. She too had a large circle of friends but unfortunately all were busy in their married lives. Her only hobby was reading.
She felt that post marriage she should be the 1st priority of Rahul since so was the case with her. She would deny office colleagues invitation for a night out or dinners on Saturday.
She would not like to go for a movie with a friend and would like only Rahul to come with her. Girl’s night out to her meant putting her time with Rahul at back foot.
When the couple came to us for the 1st time they had a lot of anger in them towards each other. Naturally both felt they were right and the other was wrong. We at ePsyclinic helped them to see that there were flaws in both the partners’ way of managing their relationship.
We made Rashmi realise that:
Rahul’s need for Space and need to indulge in his hobbies didn’t mean rejection for herself. We made her see that she was looking at his time as the only way of his expression for his love.
We also worked on her definition of “commitment to marriage” and how making her life revolver around him was not the only way she could commit to her marriage.
She could see after a couple of sessions that her irritation stem from her belief that her life, hobbies, liking, friends and priority has changed. While Rahul’s had not. This was making her bitter and rejected.
Rashmi worked on her own interest and personal space to reduce her dependency on time from Rahul.
We made Rahul realise that:
Marriage and wife need a lot of "active attention". Men often think eating together, watching tv together or grocery shopping is time spent with wife. But these are "passive forms of attention". These alone are not healthy for a marriage. Husband and wife need to be involved in activities where they can spend exclusive and undivided time with each other.
He could see that he lacked balance in his ability to manage time towards his various personal likings and time for Rashmi.
Rahul with the involvement of Rashmi worked on how he needed to manage his time and prioritise his needs.
He also realised that a wife’s need for time is not her demand or encroachment on his personal space. Its a genuine and lovely desire to feel togetherness.
Together couple worked on finding new hobbies where both could indulge together.
They both are happy and living a blessed life!
So the verdict?
Most men love their women the most! Its the expression or lack of clarity of what the other partner wants that complicates things!
Rahul and Rashmi’s relation is a typical case of 90% of couple. It’s very important that both partners display equal commitment to marriage. It’s also important that they discuss what and how they believe commitment to marriage needs to be displayed.
If you feel that you and your spouse need to work on your commitment, do come to us at ePsyclinic.com.
Just click the Green chat button and type your message to connect instantly with a Marital wellness psychologist and know more about process and fees.
Tags: #husband #wife #relationships