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You cannot have it all and be all as a woman and wife!

18 Mar 2016

How would you define a perfect woman?

Most often we use terms like a perfect woman is one who can, balance work and house, who seeks happiness alongside others happiness, who is smart and good at work and equally good at managing her house, who can be strong in face of difficulties, who knows how to juggle, one who can prioritize her task, a multitasker etc.


Along with an image of a perfect women we also have a very strong image of how an “Entrepreneur” or a successful woman should look like. We want our working women to be attractive, well dressed and well groomed. This prototype image, often brings stress to the life of a lot of working women who don’t see themselves fitting in this image. They often feel judged by their appearance and not their work.

Research has shown that, there are different standards with regards to importance of appearance in men and women in the “corporate life”. If you see a man who could be fat, unattractive but wearing a formal suit, we often assume him to be successful.

So take a minute and think, why different standard of “looking professionals apply to both men and women?” And is this right? Can't genius women and leaders come in all shapes and sizes as men do?

Now let's  ponder on how we perceive a working woman and  a working man when they have family and children.

What do we think about this woman?

Isn’t she a typical working woman, who is “EXPECTED” to manage it all? She  is expected to manage responsibility towards her family alongside her work. When we see this image we never feel any empathy towards that woman who gets up early in the morning to get her kids ready for school, finishes the chores of the house and rushes to work. After a long day at work where she too like men has deadlines, meetings etc; is expected to cook meal, makes her kids study, get grocery, wash the dishes, serve food etc. etc...the list is endless.


While the man comes home to rest, destress because we assume that he has worked harder than the women.

How do we perceive the men and women here?

A lot of women idealise this men. “wooow how lucky is this women, that her husband helps her.”, “how cute, he loves her so much.” Some would also say, “Poor guy he has to do the cooking since the wife is busy”.

Take a minute and think, have we felt the same way towards our women. If not then lets question ourselves…why? Why not?

We as a society expect our women to be:

  • Perfect homemaker
  • Perfect moms and
  • She should be working professional BUT she should also fulfil her priorities towards the house.

Are men ever questioned about their role beyond a provider? Answer is no, we don’t think if he has enough time to spend with his children, if he knows his child’s division, if he knows what his child’s favourite game, if he know that tomorrow his child has to wear traditional clothes to school and not uniform.

Are we aware how we are bringing about stress, anxiety, depression etc. in the lives of our working women? In a recent research study conducted by WHO, it was seen that prevalence of mental disorders in women has risen to 25% from 10%. Many women who get  help from us at ePsyClinic, have reported feeling extreme guilt when they have had to prioritise either work or family over the other. We as a society have ingrained in the psyche of every women, that if they are not able to balance work and family, they are not good as either homemaker, mothers or professionals. Very often one women criticises and looks down upon another women for failing at balancing her family to reach new heights at work.

Indira Nooyi, Pepisco CEO, talks about her beliefs on “Work and family balance.”

She says that she is aware that she was not involved in her daughter’s life, as much as other mothers are, but she has no regret about it as she built a company and set the roght examples for her daughters to follow..


This statement further strengthens  belief that We CAN’T Have It All.

Stress caused by an attempt to balance work and family life in women, has been a cause of concern. Symptoms that result due to inability to maintain this are:

Emotional Symptoms

Cognitive Symptoms

Behavioural Symptoms


Difficulty in concentration

Avoidance of certain situations and Absenteeism



Increase or decrease in activity level & Binge Eating


Low productivity

Increase in use of:
caffeine, smoking & alcohol or any other drug



Ruminative patterns of thinking (brood)

Increase in Arguments and "Snappy" Behavior


1 in 4 woman has an emotional or psychological disorder like Depression, eating disorder, generalised anxiety, and sleep disorder TODAY!


How to break away from perception of


  • Know what you want.
  • Set your Priorities, both at work and home
  • Follow your heart
  • Setting Boundaries and being Assertive
  • Getting past the motherly guilt
  • Seeing yourself as worthy and beautiful

Learn to be "AMPERFECT":  that is follow your own definition to be perfect rather than what society tells you or wants you to be

If you are struggling to be perfect and constant pressure is putting tremendous pressure on your wellbeing & your relations. If  you want to follow what your heart wants and do it in a way where your spouse & family supports you too, come to us at…our self analysis & relationship counseling sessions will bring you closer to yourself, we help you to be yourself minus the stress & fatigue and help you lead a happier relational life as well..

Just  Type "Hi" in the pink chat button on bottom left to connect instantly with a psychologist to know more about the process & charges

Tags: #you cannot have it all