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When your parents are against your love!

15 Mar 2016

“Marriage is not only a union of two people but a union of Two Families” – a saying that most of heard of plenty of times!

But what happens when our own parents only disapprove of the one we love?

Anita, is one such client who came with a similar situation. She loved Akash a lot, and so did he and both had been in a relationship for 2.5 years. They loved spending time with each other, laughed & cried with each other and had even weaved dreams of life after their marriage.  Everything was beautiful and perfect, until Anita told her parents about their relationship. Her openness was welcomed with anger and violence at home. Her parents shouted at her, hit her and even threatened that to lock her in her room if she tried to meet him again. Her phone was confiscated, and there was no ways in Anita and Akash could have spoken. Akash unaware of what happened at Anita’s home, came to meet her at her house as a friend, yet her parents found out and threatened him to never see her again!

                                                                                                                                  

What would have you done if you would have been in Anita’s place?

 

A first reaction which most people have is with is defensiveness and rebellion, and so was Anita’s reaction. She dint speak to her parents for a week, dint eat meals with them and stayed in her room most parts of the day.  However, this scenario couldn’t have continued for long. She started having:

  • Difficulty Sleeping
  • Reduced apetite
  • Crying spells
  • Bouts of loneliness
  • Negative thoughts
  • Low energy

 

And many more such symptoms that were suggestive of depression.

 

Anita was sure she did not want to leave Akash but she couldn’t have even gone against her parents. It is then when she felt such deep symptoms that one of her relatives suggested counseling.

 

Anita was averse to counseling inititally, however with time the ice- broke and Anita started sharing her concerns with me.

 

During the course of therapy I also realized that Anita felt deeply betrayed by her parents, for she had always thought that they will stand by her under all circumstances. Her strong feeling of hurt kept her away from everyone- her family and friends and even Akash to some extent.

 

So my first step was to make Anita understand why her parents must have done what they did.  Post having sessions with Anita and her parents we identified the gaps and thereby focused on their:

 

  1. Communication patterns
  2. Opened Communication Channels between Anita and her parents
  3. Helped Anita build a Social Support System apart from Akash
  4. Re-worked on relationship with parents
  5. Worked on Anita analyzing Akash from all aspects- positive and negative in order to be sure of her decision.

 

It took us about 2 months to get Anita on a platform where her anger and hurt had subsided and she was at a point where rather than being a Victim, she took the owness of her decision and made her parents believe in her that she can handle her relationship by herself. Her strength, confidence and love for Akash made her parents move from their decision, and became open to the idea of meeting Akash which initially they were completely averse to, for Akash belonged to a different religion.

 

Today, Anita who is a more empowered individual has beautifully come out of depression and has worked on her relationship with parents as well as Akash and has taken the responsibility for her own happiness. She and Akash are engaged now and happy!

If you as a young couple, boy or girl are facing issues in your relationship or in facing approval issues from parents, you can get online counseling & help from ePsyClinic's young adult experts & relationship psychologists.

Just click the pink chat button on bottom left and type " Counseling" to instantly connect to a psychologist .


Tags: #couple #counseling