More than Love, as a wife my looks matter!
07 Mar 2016
I Anita Dongre, grew up in a modern Maharashtrian family. I had 2 siblings. My parents were working and my father not only helped my mother in the daily chores, but displayed and genuinely loved her for what and how she was. I grew up with a wish and a belief that you love a person for his inner qualities and not for her or his looks.
I grew up to be a self-confident individual who had good friends and strong family. I was a tall and attractive women, from the beginning. I never thought it could ever make a difference to my personality. People around seem to like me for what I was an intelligent, smart, well read and an all-rounder. I never felt that looks were important. I studied Law and took up a well -paying job as a corporate lawyer.
But I was wrong!! At the age of 27yrs I got married to Akash, a competent lawyer too. It was an arrange marriage. Akash was a good looking man too. People around mentioned we made a perfect couple. Soon over the next 7yrs I got busy with building my family and work. I gave birth to a beautiful girl.
But now after her birth one thing about me has changed. My physical attraction!! It’s been 4yrs but I have been unable to lose my pregnancy weight. I very well manage work and home. I am a good mother and wife. But I realise that all this, does not matter. It hurts when my husband looks at other women while we go to malls or when we are at the restaurant. I seem him checking those women. When he comes to buy clothes with me, number of times he makes me realise of my size by passing remarks like, “this will not look good on you, it’s good for slimmer bodies”. “When I dress up and ask him how am I looking”, he would say “how does it matter”. He would also compare me with "Actresses" and his friend's wives... It was making me lose my confidence.. and I started hating the way I look
My mother in law has always managed to control her weight. She too, looks down upon me, just for my weight. All my efforts and love for the family does not matter over my weight. She often tells her friends while I am around that I should go to a dietician, and that I don’t seem to care about my weight. She also makes mention of all those actresses who despite a kid come back to their zero figure.
I have stopped loving myself, I hate to look up in the mirror. My confidence has been beaten and it has lead me to have a downfall in career too. This dislike of body image is affecting every aspect of me. I can’t imagine my child disliking me for my weight. That would be the final blow.
By Anita Dongre (Note: This story has been shared by Anita and she wanted ePsyClinic to Share it )
This is the story of 41% of women in India. They feel being discriminated and ridiculed for their looks. And looks seem to be playing more pivotal role in judging women than men.
Anita had come with symptoms of depression and feeling of dissatisfaction in her marital life. She was becoming an irritable person who could snap at the smallest issue. When we looked deeper into her relation and lack of self-confidence we could understand where this was coming from. We were able to get Akash too in the counselling session and they benefited a lot in couple counselling:
·Akash was able to see the effect of his remarks and lack of in his wife, was creating feelings of depression.
· He was also able to realise that his comments were making it more difficult for her to lose weight or even care about it.
· Unknowingly Akash had watered feelings of insecurity in their married life.
· Helping Anita work on her self- image and perception of herself, helped her to come out of her depression.
·Realisation to have a fit body and not a thinner body made her to put some effort towards regular walk.
·The couple together worked on building their relationship by making small important attempts like, occasionally going for walks together, socialising, building communication and conversation, expressing love and developing interests.
If you feel, that you are being affected like Anita due to your body image, please don’t hesitate. Reach out to us. Building your self -confidence will take you a long way. On the route of Mental Wellbeing.
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Tags: #looks #woman