Respect & Love your Wife if you want to have a mentally & emotionally healthy child
25 Feb 2016
Hi readers, we recently had a very intriguing case of a child, who reflected on flaws deeply ingrained in our society.
Aditya aged 7yrs, was referred by school counsellors to us. Aditya showed signs of depression and anxiety. He had withdrawn in a shell, would avoid talking with anyone, would not mingle with his classmates and not participate in class activities. Aditya also showed difficulty in sleeping and was suddenly showing a rebellious attitude towards his parents too.
In 1st few session we gathered that Aditya was being bullied in school by his classmates. He found it difficult to stand up for himself when kids mocked him even for a small thing. Aditya was a confident child 6months prior, but he suddenly was losing his confidence. A child who was so confident was suddenly not able to stand up for himself, even over small matters…was this just bullying? Or was there more to it?
Aditya’s mother seemed very quiet and always scared. She showed behaviour and emotional patterns similar to him. It was seen while in sessions, that Aditya’s father was more talkative, blamed his wife for Aditya’s downfall. We dwelled a little deeper in Aditya’s home environment. It was seen that Aditya’s mother who was a smart and educated woman was always put down by her husband and her in-laws.
She was made to feel responsible and criticized harshly for everything that his father thought was not right. She was not allowed to share or voice her opinion. Aditya was now growing to see that his mother was being bullied and pulled down like him. And he too needed to be quiet and tolerate it like his mother did. This was making him unhappy. He compared his father to his classmates. Aditya in his home environment lacked a role model, who was righteous, equal and giving in respect to people. A role model who considered men and women worthy of respectful equal behaviour.
As a result of all this Aditya was supressing a lot of anger and resentment towards his parents too.
Seeing this counsellor realised the importance of bringing about a change in home environment. Aditya’s father was called for a personal session. Counsellor was aware that confronting the father would make him defensive and defeat the purpose of counselling. Tactfully counsellor, made father reflect on his behaviour pattern, his relations and attitude towards his wife, lack of standing up as a right role model to Aditya. He was made to realise that the issue was not with the child but with the way the family treated the mother.
This reflection and realisation not only helped relation between father and mother, but they helped Aditya to now stand up for himself. He was more confident and made good friends too.
(If you are facing depression and worthlessness, please don't wait. You need professional help and you can get this here at ePsyClinic.com
Just Click the pink green button on left and type Hi to instantly connect with a psychologist now. )
How does inequality in family between men and women impact a child?
70% of cases of domestic violence show history of the same violence between the parents of the male child. These children have grown up to believe that women do not deserve respect and equality. They are dumb and needed to show their place as and when required. If that means a men has to resort to hitting, then that’s ok too.
Many Children growing up in families where women are treated badly may also like Aditya show behavioural and emotional signs of:
Problems with peers in school or outside school
Lack of self confidence
Inability to identify with father and hence distance in father child relation
Poor social relations
Extreme protectiveness towards mother
Poor marital relations when they grow up and have their own family
A girl child who grows up seeing her mother being ill-treated by other members of family, suffer too. They show signs of anxiety and fear towards the other family members. Their gender role identification, is that of “women being treated badly, being dominated and someone who can’t voice their opinion.” This, often plays of the minds of the children when they have to marry or find a life partner for themselves.
Often people say women are weaker but 5 of greatest emotional pain are only tolerated by women. To know what are these read this article here
What to do then?
Build homes on equality, on love and admiration, respect for the woman of the house as well as the man! Kids brought up in families where love and respect flows are more successful, happy, live longer! So rather than just staying together for your "Child", stay with respect and love together for your child!
How ePsyClinic can help if your child or you are facing issues?
· Our Counselling can work towards bringing about a lasting change and more conductive home environment.
·In cases like these, counselling can be very helpful to mothers, who have a feeling of being “victims”. Counselling helps them to change relationship dynamics in family, communicate healthy and better with their spouse and work on their self-confidence. A confident mother paves way for an emotionally healthy child.
·Counselling can be of great benefits to help child deal with his/her emotions and also channelize it. Being able to cope with issues like bullying and unpleasant home environment, have shown to play a havoc on minds of a small child. It leaves its mark for a long time.
So if you feel you need professional help. Then Just Click the GREEN Chat button on your bottom left & Type "Hi" to start Instant Consultation with a psychologist or know more about the process!
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Tags: #Online #Counseling