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I have mostly got pain in life much more than others

23 Jan 2016

 Thirty four year old Anita feels that she has had the most difficult life from the outset. She saw continuous violence at home. She then went on to be a mediocre student in her academic life, which was extremely frustrating for her given the hard work she would put in. In her work life she always felt undervalued and unappreciated. She feels that “my friends always get the better deal. I always have to work doubly hard but never even can get close to the happiness they have in life. She married a guy but in one year of their marriage, she just had fights. She then lost one of her parents. Today she is thinking, why did god choose me for all the pain in life?" 


Is her assumption correct. Did she really have much more pain than others in life?? No the fact is all people die, everyone has to face setbacks.

But how they approach and see these setbacks make all the difference. Virat Kohli, the famous cricketer lost his father just when he was in the playfield.

He played and won and worked wth his grief to only become India's finest player.

Walt Disney unsuccessfully ran two companies, twice filed for bankruptcy but he didnt lose hope! He rised again and structured the largest Disney Empire! 

JK Rowling became one of the most celebrated writers but she was facing extremely poor conditions in her life. She was a single mother with no money but she didnt lose hope and did what she did best, Write!


We all face struggles and crisis in our life. A recent study showed that 99.5% people feel that their struggles are way too many and think their pain as greater than other’s. They feel less fortunate that their family and friends when it comes of success at work, financial status, luxury and even love or marriage. What sets these 0.5% people apart from the rest of us?

People go through testing times like losing a job, divorce, losing a loved one, loneliness, financial distress etc. Some people quickly bounce back while some get trapped in their misfortunes – making them feel in despair and spiralling into hopelessness. 

Here are some behaviours you can adopt to develop good coping skills and to overcome a difficult time:

· Seeing a negative life experience as temporary

· Engaging in getting over the difficulty with a positive attitude

· Having a flexible approach to problem solving

· Reaching out for support

· Being physical fit and healthy


If you want to adopt these behaviors but somehow cannot then,

With the help of Counselling and Therapy on can inculcate the above in one’s own behavioural repertoire. Here is how this can be done:

1.Viewing a negative experience as temporary: Counseling or therapy can help you see that a negative situation is not permanent. It helps you understand that a setback does not mean a permanent loss or failure but a chance to overcome crisis and challenges to strengthen oneself.

2.Having a positive approach: If in a difficult life situation counseling helps you to not adopt a long term negative attitude “I have the world’s worst luck. I can never be happy”. Therapy helps in accepting our situation and working out constructive ways in dealing with it.

3.Flexibility: Therapy helps you to inculcate the ability to approach situations with a flexible approach. It helps you explore other ways to deal with a life stressors. One starts to the see the importance of being open minded to a novel situation which helps in coping. Instead of feeling paralysed in a difficult situation, new skills for problem solving are inculcated.

4.Seeking Help From Significant Others: Helping client to build a good support system both professionally and personally acts as a huge buffer in crisis. Therapy encourages client to build healthy relationships and seeing significant other’s as a support.

5. Physical Fitness: Therapy helps clients to follow a good and healthy routine. It enables you to make the right choices in food, importance of working out and also helps you to get adequate sleep. All the above elements are important for fighting off the stress.




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Tags: #sad #forever #pain #unhappy