Why often Women don't treat themselves as equal to men: Discovering Psychology Behind it
14 Jan 2016
From elementary school, when a child starts to read in most academic books, the boy plays with a ball and the girl plays with a doll. The father is shown with a brief case going to office while the mother is shown doing house hold chores.
Since the very start the expectations from a woman and a man are drilled in each one of us, sometimes through direct statements like ‘girls don’t behave like this’ or ‘don’t cry like a girl’. The discrimination between a boy and a girl starts at birth.
While things are fast changing for women in the outside world they are expected to do exactly what they were a 100 years back….Be responsible for the family wellbeing! While a man is expected to excel at work and if a woman does, the credit solely goes to the man for being a supportive husband. It is not rare for women to hear ‘you should feel lucky for the opportunity that we have given you’ or ‘you should thank us that we supported you’. Very seldom are they appreciated for their financial contribution to the family. Her career, her life is completely secondary to everything else. In most cases it is clear in our minds that if we need to pursue a career we need to make ‘adjustments’.
This can be very frustrating and cause a lot of anger within women. This can make them feel helpless, worthless and depressed. There might be constant anxiety about the various unexpected compromises that might crop up in the future.
Women fail tosee themselves as equals with regard to the opposite sex.
What are the factors that contribute in us women not believing so?
·Difference in upbringing: A girl is always asked to adjust as this will be the only thing beneficial when she is married off. Even a 5 year old is told about the benefits of compromising.
· Men seen as the stronger sex: For any outdoor activity or one needing physical strength, a man is told to do it. He is seen as the protector and someone who safeguards the family. Dependence for safety on men is instilled at a very young age.
· Difference in expectations: Girls are not supposed to be aggressive; they are supposed to be calm, polite and understanding. They are called a ‘tom boy’ if they are extroverts and more into outdoor sports.
·Social factors: Most of the privileges belong to men in the society. They are given much more preference than the women of the house. A boy is expected to take on the family traditions while a girl should have an open mind to be able to compromise in later life.
While a lot is being talked about gender equality, very little is actually done about it. Here is how each one of us can contribute:
·Stop discriminating: The rules for a boy and a girl should be the same. Raise daughters with no discrimination.
·Block negative messages: These are mostly subtle and more to do with what we expect from our girls.
·Talk about women’s achievements: This will give them the confidence and make them believe that they can achieve the moon. Being girls should never be perceived about as a limitation or barrier to achieve success.
Kavita 27 has been married for 3 years now. She has a great job and a comfortable life, in many ways the ideal life. She was successful but still in her heart she would see herself as less capable and suffered from confidence issues. There was a growing restlessness within her. Kavita then came for video session at epsyclinic.com. Upon history taking Kavita reported of feeling worthless because of subtle and sometimes overt messages of sexism she was subjected to since childhood. Even now she felt this as many times her mother in law would make comments on her incompetence in house work and the problems she could face with her husband due to this. She would sometimes talk about her work in front of her in laws and they would just feel that it was good to ‘pass her time’ and would quickly be followed by more neglect of home affairs. Whenever she spoke about this to her husband, he would say ‘as long as I approve of it you shouldn’t care’. This infuriated her more as she felt she needed approvals still . All these feeling bottled up inside her with no place to vent out, made her feel sorry for herself, something which was very difficult for her to accept. Therapy helped Kavita to see this as another perspective which very different from reality. She was able to see her contributions at home and also explain this to her in laws. She is more appreciative of herself, which is the most important thing to her and makes her feel content and happy. She is confident and believes that she is second to none!
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For all the ladies out there if you feel stifled and crippled by the societal pressures, you need to look within as to how they are affecting you and look for ways in which they do not come in the way of your happiness.
If you feel that these have bogged you for far too long and you find it difficult to break the psychological barriers of societal norms, if you feel depressive and sad because of not believing in yourself and feel low because of treatment towards you and if you now need to be all confident, happy and emotionally well then,
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Tags: #women #unequal #depressed