How to overcome fear of Separation in relationship when its the only way forward
09 Jan 2016
“Sometimes it is very hard to move on but once you did, you will realise it was the best decision you made”… Anonymous
Here are some quotes from women who found it hard but eventually took the plunge of ending their relationship:
“With being physically and verbally abused every day I could never think of getting out of the marriage, till one day I was thrown out of the house. I feel grateful that it happened and my suffering came to an end”
“It took me 7 years to realise that I lived in hell”.
“Life is beautiful but I saw an ugly phase while I was married to a bruit”
“I was deluded to think that things can ever look up or get better”
Despite knowing we are in the wrong relationship one feel the inability to move on. We find reasons that make us stay in a relationship which isn’t satisfying or for that matter a happy one. There are fights and misunderstandings but we keep telling ourselves that it will change. It surely will change! Let me give it time! But does that really happen?
While every couple faces ups and downs but when the ability to kiss and make up in a relationship diminishes, there is surely trouble in the paradise. More and more couples have started to identify this and thus the increase in the divorce rates. However for some the institution of marriage holds so much value that despite the unhappiness they continue in it. The taboo of living with a divorce and its social implications seem so scary that living in misery seems much easier. Sometimes the relationship is so toxic that in spite of knowing you are in a mess you are not able to move on. Studies have shown that humans have a tendency to idealise relationships. The feeling of being ‘in love’ seems to make the partner more idealistic very contrary to what the reality is.
Being in a non-nurturing relationship is agonising. The pain of having to live with a partner who is far from what you had expected can be both emotionally and psychologically draining out. A lot of women find themselves depressed and a stark opposite of what they used to be before the marriage. They identify this but still find it difficult to take the step.
What makes it Difficult?
Lack of family support
Social stigma of being divorced
Difficulty in being a single parent
· Lack of confidence to fend for one’s self
Fear of uncertainty
However, sometimes it gets absolutely necessary to call it quits. Easier said than done but
Here are some indicators that might help you make the decision
Repeated emotional abuse
Complete Lack of emotional involvement
Complete Financial deprivation
Often many of the above coexist…..
If you can relate to the above and feel that your relationship is giving you more distress, here are tips for you to make the decision:
1.Pro’s and Con’s of being in the marriage: You can write down the positives and the negatives of being in the relationship. Once you have done this exercise your next step will be clearer to you.
2. Generate Support: Talk to your family about how things are with you. If you feel that you cannot sustain in the current situation, speak about how they can help you. However do not let the lack of support change your decision.
3. Think of ways to be financially independent: If you are financially independent calling off a relationship is easier. Having your own money will also increase the level of confidence that you have in yourself.
4. Being self-reliant: Start thinking of yourself as a separate entity. Avoid giving the onus of happiness to someone else.
5. Confiding in someone you trust: Avoid bottling us your emotions. Share what you are feeling with a close friend or a sibling. It will make you feel much lighter.
6. Talking it out with you partner: Before you make a decision it is best if you speak to you partner about what you feel about your relationship. Also clearly give instances where you feel that your feelings were invalidated or the hurt was too much.
7. Realising the importance of a healthy home atmosphere: For having a peace of mind it is very important that you have a healthy home environment. This is absolutely crucial not just for you but also for your children
8. Professional Help: There are many time when you know exactly what to do but you lack the courage. A Psychologist or a Counselor can help you make important decision and also stick to them. You will be able to identify your relationship as dysfunctional and feel more supported for the challenges thereafter.
Ending a relationship is surely very difficult to do but easier that the impinging difficulties that you face regularly due to a dysfunctional relationship. The only one who can help you here is you and the only one who can make the decision is you! We can support you to keep the decision and cope with it.
If as a woman you are struggling and this has been causing you tremendous mental agony and pain, you can get complete help Online from ePsyClinic’s Depression & wellness Psychologists and Experts.
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Tags: #seperation #abuse #women